addicted {spencer reid}

Chapter 35

I know that you're hiding,
I know there's a part of you I just cannot reach.
You don't have to let me in.
Just know that I'm still here,
I'm ready for you whenever, whenever you need,
Whenever you want to begin.
Florence + The Machine, "Hiding"

Courtney's POV

Me: How did your parents react?

JJ: My parents were really sad about it but they weren't mad. They talked to Will's mom last night and they're dealing with all this shit.

Me: Are you okay?

JJ: Eh. I'm going to Cali today so I can have an escape from him for the week, but it still won't hide the pain on my face and the pain inside.

Me: I know. You can text or call me anytime if you need me, okay?

JJ: Okay. Have fun in Vegas with Spencer. XOXO

Me: Thank you. Have fun in Cali and I hope you feel better soon!

I put my phone down, getting out of bed and smiling. Today is the day that I'm going to Vegas with Spencer and my mom.

It's 7:55. We have to leave at 9 to get Spencer and head to the airport. I head into the bathroom, shivering from the feeling that the cold tile sends through my body. I throw my clothes off, turning the water on and stepping into the hot shower.

I scrub myself clean, rubbing my hand over the deepest, most prominent scar on my thigh. I sigh deeply, wondering if the scars will ever leave my skin.

I know that my scars aren't ugly. My eyes aren't deceiving me anymore. I can't get rid of my scars so I have to adapt to them. They are part of me, of course.

The addiction won't go away; I still have the urges to cut some days. Some days it is stronger than me and I have to completely distract myself in order to not cut, some days it's manageable and I can keep living my life happily. I will never be able to rid myself of the addiction, but I will be able to control it with the strength that I do have.

I step out of the shower after I am completely clean. I head into my bedroom, pulling clothes over my body. I am shaky with excitement and anxiety about going to my boyfriend's hometown.

When I am fully dressed, I walk downstairs to greet my mom. She's sitting in her usual spot at the table, her eyes wandering around the room. "Morning," I greet. She snaps her head in my direction, forcing a smile after she finishes taking a bite of the apple in her hand.

"Morning, sweetie. Did you sleep well?" She asks. I shrug. I kept falling in and out of sleep last night. I was feeling all different kinds of emotions: I felt triggered for some reason; I felt devastated over what Will did to JJ; I felt too excited about Vegas to sleep. It was weird having all those emotions swirling around me like a rain cloud that will never disappear.

"I kept thinking about poor JJ," My mom admits quietly. I nod in agreement.

"I talked to her this morning. She talked to her parents and they're going to help her through this even though it's terrifying," I answer.

"I'm glad that she talked to them. It's really hard to open up but she got past that part, I'm proud of her." I nod, placing my hand on my mother's shoulder.

"What time does the plane leave at again?" I ask, even though I have the time memorized in my brain. 10:25 am. I just want to stop talking about JJ, because it makes me feel absolutely terrible.

"10:25. It's almost 9 so we've got to leave soon to get Spencer. I'm just going to go brush my teeth before we go, okay? You can get ready and get your bags down here," She says. I nod, heading upstairs to grab my suitcase and a small book bag that holds some items I need for the plane, such as a couple books, my phone, some money, and some other random things.