addicted {spencer reid}

Chapter 19

Every night you cry yourself to sleep,
Thinking "Why does this happen to me?"
Why does every moment
Have to be so hard?
Maroon 5, "Won't Go Home Without You"

Courtney's POV

Christmas Eve

"When is Spencer coming over?" My mom asks me as she cooks my breakfast- pancakes and sausage.

"He said he'd come over at noon," I reply. She nods.

"Okay," She replies quickly. I grab my book that rests on the dining table and I flip it open to the page I'm on. I'm reading Perfect Match by Jodi Picoult for about the fifth time.

"Breakfast is almost ready, Courtney," My mom calls from the kitchen.

"Okay," I reply. I slide the bookmark into my book and I wait for my mom to arrive with my food.

She walks back into the room, placing my breakfast down in front of me. "Thank you, mom," I sing. She smiles.

"You're welcome, darling. Eat up!" I devour my breakfast, it's delicious.

"I'm gonna go jump in the shower real quick," I call. I walk upstairs, grabbing a towel and hurrying into my bathroom. I turn the water on, waiting for it to warm up.

I strip my pyjamas off and I stare at my naked reflection in the mirror. Bright red cuts line my legs, rising up and down in a ladder pattern. I deserve them.

I stare at myself in the mirror. All I can see staring back at me is a monster, some one who took over for the angelic kid I used to be. All I can see is horror in my deep dark eyes.

I shiver away the tears and I step in the shower. The water runs down my body, descending into the drain.

My mind starts clouding with thoughts and fears. The only thing I want to do is cut, but I need to stay strong.

Shower water and tears mix on my face. My head starts to spin and I can't see anymore. I fall onto the shower floor, placing my hands on my head. I start rocking back and forth, trying to escape the horror in my head.

My face is wet, but I can't tell if it's tears or water. It's both, I assume.

I stand up from the floor, my body shaking and my mind swirling. I wrap the towel around myself, shielding myself from the mirror that reflects my hideousness off of it. I swing the door open, plopping myself down on the bed.

Every day, I'm haunted by my mind. Every day, I think about how much easier it would be if I ended my life.

I stand up, throwing the towel to the floor. I get myself dressed and I walk back downstairs.

"Spencer just called, he said he would be here in ten minutes!" My mom calls. I was too caught up in my thoughts to hear the phone.

"Oh, okay," I reply confusedly. I plop myself down on the couch, turning the TV on with a press of a button.

I flick through the channels, landing on a rerun of Community. I pause on the show, deciding to watch the episode, as it's one of my favourites.