addicted {spencer reid}

Chapter 21

Nothing comes easily,
Where do I begin?
Nothing can bring me peace,
I've lost everything.
I just want to feel your embrace.
Kate Havnevik, "Grace"

Spencer's POV

"I don't want to go to school," I whimper over the phone to Courtney. It's the first day back to school after Christmas break, and my anxiety is towering over me. After what happened between me and the bullies, I'm absolutely terrified to go back. I'm horrified that they're going to reveal to everyone the secret I have been trying so hard to keep.

"I know you don't, honey, but you don't have a choice," She replies. I sigh deeply.

"What if they tell everyone about my cutting? What if they hurt me again?" I blab. It's Courtney's turn to sigh.

"Spence, you can't go in with all that negativity in your head. I know it's scary, I know you're terrified. But, I'll be here for you the whole time."

"You promise?"

"I promise," She replies confidently. I take some deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.

"Okay," I reply.

"Can you come over before school? We can get on the bus together," I suggest. I need her here to try to calm me down.

"Yeah, of course I can. I'll be there in ten!" The line goes dead and I sit back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I fiddle with my hands, trying to calm myself down.

I close my eyes, and I bolt upright when the doorbell rings. I shuffle to the door, opening it to see my girlfriend waiting for me. She looks tired, but she looks beautiful all the same.

"Can I come in?" She asks. I nod anxiously. She enters the room, placing her bag down beside mine.

"Are you okay?" She asks. I shake my head.

"Aw, Spence. I still feel so bad every time I remember what those bullies did to you, it hurts me. You deserve so much happiness, and yet there are still people who feel the need to do horrible things to amazing people," She dictates.

"I don't want to go," I repeat. She takes my shaking hand into hers.

"I don't want you to hurt anymore," She answers with. I place my head on her shoulder, trying desperately to stay strong.

"It's okay, sweetie. It's okay," She choruses in my ear. I like it when she calls me names like 'honey' or 'sweetie', it makes me feel a little bit safer and a little bit more loved.

"The bus is going to be here soon, let's go wait outside," Courtney suggests. I nod, returning back to my original state. My whole body is shaking, I am so nervous.

"Hey, Spencer. Take some deep breaths, relax," She mutters. I close my eyes, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. Everything is giving me anxiety right now.

I take her hand and I walk out of my apartment and to the front doors. My hand is shaking, but Courtney's grip is tight in mine. Before we get outside, she leans forward and gives me a small kiss. As she pulls away, I pull her closer to me and I kiss her again. Momentarily, I lose myself in her lips, I travel away to a fantasy world that truly exists right in front of me.