Trying Too Hard //jian

(1)

"what's wrong are you gonna cry?!" The Brian says, kicking my Stomach, I cough up blood and I scream in pain, but nobody's around, it's after school.

"pleas-" I try to get out but I end up coughing up blood and pain.

"hey Kian, why don't you help us beat up this bitch?!" They say calling to Kian who has his math book in his hand, I've always kind of liked him, nobody knows because I have no friends and they only know I'm gay because my ex-friend told them.

"I'm good. I really don't see what he did here" he says and walks out the school door. I'm thankful my crush didn't punch me or do anything worse.

they sigh and kick me harder, before a teacher catches them in the act and they run away, unidentifiable.

"oh my gosh, are you ok Jc?" Mrs. Pollyin says running up to me and I put my hand on my stomach as I cough up more blood.

I limp home to my abusive father, but hopefully he'll let me off easy today because I have enough scars.

"I won't beat you tonight, I want you to heal first, then I'll rip away at your scabs and make you bleed more then I'll kick your ass" he says and I limp upstairs and into my room. Ever since mom died he turned abusive and I've had to take it in. I deserve it anyway.

I go into the bathroom and I pull out my razor blade and drip rubbing alcohol on it to make it hurt more before plunging it into my wrist, I bite my bottom lip in pain but I soon get over it and I do it a couple more times   

I go on Kian's Instagram, which I don't follow, because I'd probably get bullied more but instead I just look at his beauty admiring him.

I fall asleep listening to Crossfire by Stephen.

it's actually really hard to fall asleep when you're bleeding all over the place and bruises and cuts wherever they hit me.

-

I wake up with my white sheets stained with brown and red blood. I sigh at the mess and I throw them in the laundry room and I walk to school.

I get greeted by a woman in the front office wanting me to talk to her. I assumed it would be about the bullying situation but instead it's something else.

"we saw your grades, all 98's except one 99! amazing!" she says smiling and looking at the bruises but I guess she ignores them. "we are starting a new tutoring program and you are tutoring..." she pausing flipping through her papers and then continues, "Kian Lawley" She says handing my some papers about him, his grades, where he lives and what time to tutor him, I take the papers and I flip through them while walking to 1st period.

"sorry" I say bumping into a girl and she winks at me but I have no reaction and I just keep walking.

"hey. you're my tutor, I guess" Kian says meeting me in the hall, " I know you already have my address so you can come over around 6 pm today" he says shrugging, I guess I now know he doesn't like me.

"I can't come, I can only come if I come right after school" I say sighing and looking down.

"fine.  but bring your textbooks" he says and he smiles and I smile back, mine was probably dorky and huge but I didn't care.

-

"hi, Mrs. Lawley, I'm here to tutor your son" I say to Kian's mom I assume and she greets me as I walk into the house.

"Come right in, KIAN!" she yells the last part as Kian fumbles down the stairs. "oh my. do you need a bandage?! your leg,," she pausing looking at my jeans that are now red from all the blood, great. "come on" she says and I limp over to where she is and Kian follows.

I take off my soggy pants, which I'm Way too embarrassed to do because Kian is standing right behind me.

"oh my!" she says staring at my cut marks on my thigh that I forgot were there. I immediately pull my pants back up and I turn to Kian who has his mouth wide open.

"did you do that to yourself?!" Kian asks and I slowly nod with a face that looks like I don't care.

"let's just get to studying-" I start to say before he grabs my left arm and looks at all the bloody scars on there too.

"please stop" he says and we walk up to his room with my books and we start to study.

-

"wait, if you divide 60 by 1/2, it's 30," he says confused.

"no. you have to double it because it's not a full number." I say and he looks up at me and smiles.

"you're so smart. enough with studying. I just want to talk to you" he says and I shrug.

"what do you want to know?" I ask and he just looks at me.

"why do you cut yourself?" he ask and looks at my scars before I turn them over.

"ever since my mom died, exactly two years ago, my dad started beating me and he will tie me up and cut me and kick me and then I go to school to get away from it, but then I get bullied at school. and it's a lot more things" I say and he looks sorry.

"I'm sorry. I really am. you can spend the night here if you want?" he says and taps the spot on his bed next to him.

I crawl over to that side and I just lay.

"I might get your sheets bloody tho" I say getting off the bed and standing.

"I don't care" he laughs and I smile, taking in the cutest laugh ever.

-

once he falls asleep I sneak into his bathroom and I pull out the razor from my pocket and I slice the skin on my left arm, but I went too deep and blood starts pumping out my my arm and everything goes blurry and I suddenly can't see anymore.

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A/N: HEYO! thank y'all for reading and as always leave a comment to make me more motivated to write and voting and Following always helps! 💕😘

QOTD- am I gonna delete this book?
AOTH- i have a really good idea on how to make it, so I hope not :/

Comment a question for the next QOTD, thank you for reading! ily all 💕💕