Changed

Changed 59

With her out of my way, I started cleaning the living room, then the kitchen, then the bathroom. When I was done with my room and my mom's I had collapsed onto my bed. Is that how she feels when cleaning? My back hurts from all the bending and my legs are tired. Four hours of just cleaning, wow. I should be more thankful whenever she cleans from now on. 

I shut my eyes, crossing my arms over my head. Thinking of nothing but earlier today and how I told Sofia I was gonna convert. What was up with her expression, why had she seem so uncaring. Almost like she expected this from me, had she known all along that I was gonna convert? Or am I over analyzing it all. 

I'm probably over analyzing it. The only explanation for the way she had reacted would be that her mind was elsewhere and she couldn't focus on two things at once so she choose to not pay attention to what I had said. But who was she thinking about than. Could it have been Zafir.. Is that why her phone kept going off is it because he was calling her? Did she lie to me.

Ugh, what is wrong with me. I shouldn't care. I warned her about Zafir and told her the truth about him if she chooses to still communicate with him than it's on her. I did my part. So than why, why do I hate saying Zafir and Sofia in the same sentence. Why do I care if she hadn't seemed interested when I told her I was gonna convert. Why do I care about Sofia at all? I knew the answer of course but I wasn't gonna let it out, I refuse to. I will continue to build these walls that protect me from getting hurt if that's what it takes. I'll never admit it, because it isn't true. I don't have feelings for Sofia, why would I? She's just a friend.. 

'What I don't understand is why you need my approval'. She had said in the cafe and I just hate how shes right all the time! Why do I need her approval. If she doesn't believe me than who cares, I have Yusuf on my side who freaking saw the whole thing going down. My name is cleared. Someone believes me, it may not be her but its still someone. 

I still don't feel satisfied. I still don't feel like I accomplished anything or that I've cleared my name. Who cares about these walls, I have to say it once before I lose my mind. I have to admit it before I go insane. It's the answer that I force to ignore, it's the truth. 

I love Sofia.

I snapped my eyes open in shock. "Oh my god.. I love Sofia." It makes sense, all my questions are answered. 

The reason why I hate hearing Zafir and Sofia in the same sentence is because I love her. The reason why I need her approval is because I love her, the reason why I care about her is because I love her. I love her. I-

Ugh. What do I do now. Should I call her up? Or should I just wait till break is over and see her at school. But that's too long of a wait, I can't wait a whole week to see her. How about I call her. 

I turn on the lap near to me, and search for my phone. It lay on the floor, the blue case facing up. I pick up my phone and click on her name. Just before I hit call I realized something. What would I tell her? 

It doesn't matter. I click call, and place the phone to my ear. I wait on  after the third beep to hear the phone picked up.

"Hello." I say waiting for the other side of the line.

"..yeah I'll deal with ... okay.." That's all I heard from the other line, she was clearly with someone. And judging by the other voice it must be Yusuf. I hear a door closing in the background and then silence.