Shatter

Chapter 19: Blue Skies

Chapter 19: Blue Skies

It had been three weeks since Adam and I spoke in the hall and I was ignoring him almost completely. My friends knew not to bring him up, except for Nichole. 

She was still having trouble getting over her rejection. She constantly went on and on about the secret messages he must have put in the rejection, as if "we can be friends" held some special meaning.  

I missed the way I felt when we first met, like I was alive, but I couldn't allow my emotions to get the better of me when it came to Adam. Disregarding his presence was working in my favor, I hadn't dreamt of him in two weeks. 

It was still hard to see him every day in class but I had to learn to get used it. The only really hard thing was reading his journal every week to read his entries. I had to read his feelings and thoughts about life in them.  

I couldn't allow myself to approach him and let him know I understand exactly how he feels. His journals had each been about him missing his mother and brother. I could definitely relate to that. I missed my mom and Zara so much I could die.  

After trading journals we would just returned them to each other each Monday, in a manner so cordial it almost seemed rehearsed. If one of us was feeling brave, they would say thank you.  

On some occasions he opened his mouth to speak to me but nothing came out. He only turned and walked off.  

It felt like longer than a few weeks since we spoke last. At least Zara would be proud. She wanted me to have nothing to do with him. I guess she got what she wanted. After all she was right, it was too soon, despite how I felt about him. 

It was Friday, the day we traded journals. Things felt different this time. I didn't feel any tension on his part. At the end of class he stood up and smiled.  

"Well, here you go Ellie." I was shocked. He sounded pleasant and actually said a full sentence to me. I didn't quite know how to respond. 

"Thanks." I stated plainly, trying to hide my shock. 

"I guess we'll talk Monday?" He asked, chipper as ever. Some of the magnetism returned to his blue eyes, something changed. 

"Sure." I replied hesitantly. 

Why did he say we would talk Monday? What changed over the past week to make everything so different from the previous one? 

He smiled and walked away, back to the smooth walk I hadn't seen in the previous two weeks. He had a spring in his step, something nonexistent in the past weeks. 

I turned and looked to Melissa who was just as shocked as I was. As we walked to the shady tree, which had now become a regular stop for us, neither of us said anything. When we sat down I pulled out his journal. 

"So what was that in there? What changed?" She asked. 

"I have no clue." I said as I opened to notebook. I turned it to the page the newest essay would be. Melissa did the same with Noelle's. 

It was easy for her because anything Noelle had to confide in a journal she already told Mel. It was a little different for me and Adam. I often lied in mine. 

I never spoke of Conner, I just said over and over than I am getting an amazing experience here at Brown and made new friends, never anything too personal. 

I wasn't expecting too much out of this new entry that wouldn't be reminiscent of his previous ones. I read the first sentence. Already I noticed a change in words he used and neatness of the handwriting.