Shatter

Chapter 10: Keep Breathing

Chapter 10: Keep Breathing

 Living with Anna wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. After nearly a week of living together we hadn't fought or anything, of course that would mean that you would have to talk to the other person. We rarely said a word to one another.She was never home, always on campus or out at parties. When she did come home, she stayed on her side of the room and I stayed on mine. Although it was nice to have the silence, I grew lonely.  

It was still frosh week and the older students still hadn't arrived so we had the campus to ourselves for the most part. Our dorms were one of the busier ones due to the fact that it was freshmen only housing. There were many frosh week activities, but I was never in the mood to attend. The fraternities and sororities were already busy with their parties and recruiting, Anna frequently attended their "gatherings". I had no interest in fraternizing or having fun. I was trying only to keep myself sane and busy. I usually sat in the dorm sketching in my new sketchbook and listening to music.

Our R.A. Tina made regular stops to make sure I was "adjusting" properly to the new environment. She always had such sympathy in her voice that it seemed like she knew everything about me already. I listened to Zara's music more than anything. It had only been a few days since I had seen her last, but I was already missing her like crazy. I tried not to think about home too much.

I would call Zara everyday and after hanging up, I'd distract myself with drawing. I had been drawing often lately, maybe because of the sadness. However, if one thought of Conner got into my head, it ruined me for the rest of the day. I would put down the sketchbook, turn the music down, turn of the lights and sleep. Sleep was the only thing that kept my thoughts of sadness and mourning to rest.  

Anna was always coming home late at night or early in the morning. I probably looked and seemed like a ghost to her. I was quiet, pale, and obviously sad. I hadn't seen the sun since I had left Arizona. I was sure she had heard me crying in my sleep those first few nights because I would hear her tossing and turning. It would have been nice to have a friend when the first week of classes began, but neither of us made the effort. 

Although time went by slowly sitting in the dorm, it was finally the day before Zara was coming. She was already on her way and I was expecting her Saturday afternoon. I was elated, I would finally have someone to talk to and I could finally leave my room without feeling like a lost puppy. Even when we were lost or acting stupid, Zara made me comfortable. I was so happy at the thought of seeing her. I felt okay for the first time since I had arrived. I felt so good that I actually went down to the cafeteria for lunch.  

It was midday when I walked to the dining hall. I saw so many unfamiliar faces as I walked the halls, if I had left my room before this I probably would have known a few of them. I walked into the room, it wasn't too busy. I saw a lot of tables with groups of fellow students sitting around talking, it made me miss my friends at home. I noticed Anna across the room, she looked at me like I was a fish walking on land, she probably didn't expect me to leave the room until I absolutely had to for class. 

I smiled at her and waved. In return she flashed me a very sarcastic grin, nodded, and turned her head back to the people at her table. She was sitting with a group of people who reminded me a lot of my friends at home. We probably had a lot more in common than I thought, but I doubt either of us even considered that. I just wanted to get by day to day and I was afraid of the backlash I would get if I tried to start conversation with Anna. 

I got in line at the salad bar. Once I got my food I sat at an empty table and began to eat. I hadn't eaten a real meal since before I left home.  Even then it was a plate my mother left me in the fridge while we weren't talking. I had survived on potato chips, bottled water and ramen noodles. The change in my food was welcome. I ate faster than I had ever eaten, I felt as if I had been starved for weeks and was finally fed a gourmet feast.