The Fearful Institute

Going Insane

 Blood curdling thoughts roll around his mind like a race track, infecting the cells in his brain as the doctor examines the only sanity he has left. Aleks made history in the institute last night after Eddie left the room, resting that last quote on Aleks' chest. All he has now is that dying play that keeps forcing itself to reply over and over again, the only clean thought he has of anything. He's afraid that Eddie will infect it though, put in the other 90% of thoughts that lost control during the outburst. Aleks looks up at the ceiling with his uncontrollable thoughts seeping through the veins circling around his burning and frustrated brain. His eyes squint and the doctor hears squeaking from the leather chair being rubbed on with sweaty hands. Aleks' mouth is partly opened and spit creating straight lines; lip to lip. His eyebrows pull together as the ceiling starts to crackle and the paint starts to burn off the wood, but in reality it's just the same vanilla colored wall.

"Aleks, can you keep your focus on the paper in front of you...well...under your chin." The doctor says in a low voice. Every since his deadly freak out everyone has been so gentle with him, like he has a disability. "No,"

The garden smells of vegetables, but since only a week ago Eddie told him about the dead people buried directly under; infecting the produce. He hasn't thought of anything sweet about this garden, or the separate gardens that create a square around the institute with yellow, pink, and red roses. Laying right beside the garden he stares up at the sky and thinks about all the reasons why he should just not care about anything. His hands spread apart, along with his legs like he's creating a snow angel. He officially knows what it's like to be insane, to know the feeling of having anxiety, thinking that monsters are crawling around under your bed. His eyes direct their attention to the boy getting closer and closer, Eddie with a burning cigarette in his hand.

"Words out that you really don't care about anything, I don't blame you after that bastard Jeremy mentioned your brother." Eddie says and bends down so he's able to touch Aleks' cheek with two of his fingers. "I know you're hurt, but eventually you're going to force all that pain out, that's what sucks about it...it demands to be felt." He smiles only slightly and then takes a drag of his almost finished cigarette. A tear rolls down Aleks' cheek and he blinks, but not another drop falls.

"There's the emotion I've been waiting for, for the past few days." Aleks huffs and rubs his hands on his forehead, traumatized at the fact that he's turning into something he fears the most; a true monster that wants nothing to do with anyone.

"When that bastard said all those horrifying things about my brother, I couldn't handle it Eddie. It was too much for me, I wasn't going to just stand there and let him talk about my brother's death. I don't even know how he knows about his death, I've never told anyone about his death, not even you." Aleks shakes his head and let's more tears fall onto the wooden floor right beside his feet.

"You wouldn't believe the things I've been seeing lately Eddie, they're frightening and they make my heart want to stop; it's like the nightmares are stopping it for me." He can feel Eddie staring down at him like he's going crazy, but when he look up there's a tenderness in his eyes, a reassuring sparkle in his eyes that lets him know he's always by his side.

"I know what's it's like to feel scared of everything, to feel like you're going insane. But I have faced the fact that I've been insane ever since I was put in his place, insanity is what put me in this hell. I'm not going to apologize for being myself, for being different than the average person. Haven't you ever thought they we're more realistic than anyone who's sane?" Eddie brushes his cheek against Aleks', he just wants to feel his soft skin and feel his touch that brings him back into the protection of emotion. The only thing that's keeping him off edge is the boy sitting right next to him, flustering in pain and agony. Aleks whimpers and pulls his knees to his chest, pressing his forehead on his knees and screaming into his lap. Eddie swings his arms around Aleks and prevents from his love shaking any worse from the feeling of being alone.

"It's okay; you're going to be okay. There's hope, there's always going to be that piece of hope inside your soul." Eddie looks around the room and feels like everything is shaking, but it's really not. It's his old anxiety kicking in, the anxiety that brought panic attacks, which brought the demon inside him. His demon hasn't been awoken for over two years, ever since electric brain treatment.

"I'm tired of feeling this way, like no one cares." Aleks whimpers in his lap and he grips his hands together in a knot. Eddie slaps his hand over Aleks' tightly created hand knot.

"When will you accept the fact that I love you, and that I care?" Eddie whispers in his ear and Aleks looks up from the darkness of his warm lap. Aleks knows that Eddie loves and cares for him, but he's not sure if that's the safest thing in the world. But know he's starting to think...does safety really matter anymore? Is it going to apply in his life ever again? "I have accepted it; I'm just scared to show it..." Aleks says in a quiet voice as he stares at the wall in front of him. Eddie looks at him shocked and a little smile crawls onto his face.

"You're afraid of me and you know it, you're curious about my scars, and what I actually did that put me in here." He says and slouches onto Aleks. Aleks looks up at Eddie with glossy eyes and he watches Eddie's eye movement speed around the room with anxiety. Aleks wraps his hand around his neck and pulls his toward his face. Their lips touch and Eddie slides his hand up his shirt, his finger tips gliding up and down his spine.

"The reason is quite simple actually. All I had to do was seem like someone in need of mental care. Someone who needed guidance in their life, help with the future. I thought they were going to help me after I murdered my parents, but all they did was use different methods, brain surgery, shock treatment, the electric chair in small bolts." He whispers in Aleks' ear, quietly he whimpers and tries to back away, but Eddie won't let him. He's too strong to pull away from, Aleks just stands there in his arms and tries to relax and run all the thoughts in his mind, clean them out.