Chapter Twenty Eight

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Ashley's POV

I wake up frazzled with my heart racing, I hate bad dreams. I turn my body over to look at the clock on the wall: 3:00 AM. Feeling wide awake, I swing my legs over the side of the bed and after standing to my feet, I grab my robe and pull it around me. Walking through the doors, I see the stars in the sky and sigh. It feels weird to be awake at this time.

I walk carefully through the kitchen to the fridge to make something small to eat. Not wanting to wake my mom, I go to shut her door but notice it's already shut tight. I crack the door open to check to see if she was asleep and I hear something off and see her bathroom light on.

Opening it a little more, I make my way towards her. Why is she even awake? I take two steps and hear her crying and stop dead in my tracks. My mom was bawling? I feel my heart sink deep into my chest, thinking about how to process the situation. I keep going and gently knock on the bathroom door, I hear a few sniffs before she speaks. "Hey, honey. You scared me." She tries to fix her voice and I swallow hard.

"Mom, can you open the door?" I ask, after waiting a minute or two. The door opens and she looks as composed as she could in the moment. I stare into her eyes for a few seconds before hugging her tightly.

"It's okay, you can let it out. You can talk to me." I whisper, I couldn't imagine losing the love of my life. Losing my dad was hard enough, but her heart must be more broken than mine ever will be.

"No, no, honey... I just, I got something in my eye, that's all." She stands up straight and I look at her. Her eyes look tired and I know she's lying. "Why are you awake anyway?" She questions and gives me a weird look.

"Oh-I-I just had a bad dream." I speak, playing with my hands.

"Okay, well, I'm going to go back to bed." She walks to her bed and untucks the covers and gets under them. Has she even slept at all? "Can you just shut the door on your way out. I love you so much." She speaks and I give her a gentle smile before backing out of the door and shutting it quietly. I'm not feeling too hungry anymore but there's no way I am going to be able to fall back asleep. I tip-toe down the hall and crack Julian's door.

"Julian, are you awake?" I ask and hear no response, "Julian?" I say a little louder, I can see his eyes open through the moonlight shining in the room and he sits up.

"Yes?" His voice is deep and hoarse, I notice he doesn't have a shirt on and I begin to feel a little overwhelmed.

"I'm sorry to bother you, I just can't sleep." I speak, taking a few steps into the room.

"No, it's cool. Come here." He opens his arms and I slide into the bed with him, luckily his bed is big enough for the two of us.

"What's up?" He speaks gently.

"Well, I had a bad dream. But then I couldn't go back to sleep. All I keep thinking about is how empty this house is without dad. You know?" I stare up at the ceiling, feeling his gaze on me.

"Come here." He pulls me close to his bare chest and I smell his familiar cologne.

"I'm sorry that I've been such a mess lately." I mumble.

"Look, you shouldn't apologize for feeling. God knows how hard it is..." He speaks and I nod my head.

"My mom was crying tonight, I don't even think she has slept in days. I feel selfish, I've been sitting in that room for a week shutting her and everyone else out. While my mom needed me more than ever before." Tears fall from my eyes and I quickly wipe them away. "My mom doesn't deserve this. I just don't understand why he had to go. Why? I don't understand why we deserved this to happen. And Rachel isn't making it any easier to be strong, she's using the whole situation to make me feel worse about it. I just wish I didn't have to feel this way." I sniff between sentences, but Julian doesn't seem to mind. I love that about him, he's sweet and kind and he holds me when everyone else around me won't.

"Look at me." He speaks and I look up. His face looks serious yet passionate. He wipes a tear from my face and he kisses my forehead. "You are not selfish for being upset. You were shocked, your mom needs you to help her get over this, but that doesn't mean that you can't be upset too. Rachel... We are going to graduate soon. So, it doesn't even matter. We will graduate together, and I'm not going anywhere. Trust me Ashley, things will get better. I know it doesn't seem like it right now. But you need to know that it does. My mom died and when she did I was completely phased. I didn't speak, I didn't do anything. She got killed by the guy at the scene who... Who shot your father. I was so angry, I knew he would get away with it. That's why I was crying that day, when I blew up on you. I want you to know that it gets better and I will be here for you, anytime, anywhere. I am here for you and I will always be here Ash. Look, I know you miss him and I know that you're going through things at school, but I promise you don't have to deal with it alone. We won't forget about the ones we lost, but we'll learn to live our lives the way they'd want us to." I watch as tears spill over his strong eyes and my heart breaks for him.I keep my eyes locked in his and place my arms on the back of his neck, wrapping his arms around my waiste, he hugs back tighter than I expected. We settle and I feel peaceful laying next to him, soon enough my eyes close and I fall into a deep slumber.

Julian's POV

"Ashley, I love, care, like, look up to, I respect you... I love you. And that scares me, because I've never felt this way before and you are just so strong and independent. I want you to know that I love you, not because of who everyone thinks you are, but for who I've learned to be with. I'd want nothing more than for you to be with me forever..." After I didn't hear a response, I panic. "But if you don't want a relationship, your friendship is good enough for me." After I still don't hear a response, I look down and see that she's asleep.

I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that she didn't hear me.

I don't know if it's a good thing that I love her... But I just...

I just do.

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