Rivero Decaying

Chapter 8

I went back to the school with the guys. I didn't feel like being alone tonight after what I just did. It was a shitty feeling but I had to do it. It had to be done or he would've turned and hurt other people or kill him. So I killed him. I took a life, something that was only four years or so younger than me. I thought about this all the way to the school. I wanted to stop seeing his eyes every time I close mine. I try ignoring it, it stopped for a bit but when I let my mind go blank all I saw his dark blue eyes looking at me. It was driving me crazy. And it was only five p.m and I had done this two hours ago but it felt like I did it only minutes ago. I didn't want to close my eyes or stop thinking, if I did I would see him and his eyes. I hated it! I had no choice! End him before he turns or let him live for however long he had and let him kill someone else. I wanted to yell! I wanted to yell at the dead, for his eyes to leave me be! I couldn't do that, I killed him and this was something I had to live with. I had to live seeing his eyes stare at me lifelessly.

I needed to get out of my head. I needed to do something to stop thinking of him. I went to the office and started working on plans to build up our defenses. I've been working at if for a few hours when I notice someone turned on one of the portable lamps. It was Claire. She looks at me with a worried expression. I looked away and continue drawing up plans for a wall to block off the block and watch towers for guards to look out from. I didn't want to look back up at her. I didn't want her staring at me with that worried look. I didn't want to be look at, at all by anyone! I stood up and started to make my way to the door when Claire grab my arm. I tried to shake her off but her gripped tighten. I didn't want to look her in the face, I kept my head down. I felt her hand under my chin forcing me to look up at her. She was about a good four inches taller than me. I tried pulling away from her but she held on tight. She didn't say anything she just looked at me. I didn't want to look her in the eyes. I knew if I did I would break and that's the last thing I needed. Instead of looking at me she pulled me into a hug.

My body tense at the sudden action. I didn't know what to do. I don't hug people let alone touch my own family. I hated people touching me. This is why I am anti-social. Yet here I am in someone's arms holding me tight. She grab my by my arms and said "I know that look, I've seen it before and I've had that look before." I just stare at her and didn't make a sound."I'm not going to say it get better because it never does. You just learn to live with it" she said. Then Claire let me go and walked away from me. I stood there numb. I didn't want to live with this. It has been about ten day since this all started and I've only ever kill these things. How can I live with killing someone who was actually alive! I mean these things weren't people anymore! They weren't human! That little girl was and so was he! Then she turn and took a bite out of him damn it! What was I supposed to do? I was too late to help the little girl but I could of helped him! I wasn't fast enough. I could of help him! I was going crazy. I wanted it to stop. I wanted it all to stand still. My body began to shake and my breathing became shallow. Breathing was hard and I couldn't stop shaken all I felt was the world crushing me. The weight was cut me deep that I feel the blood on my body as I gasp for air trying so hard to stay calm. I couldn't stop. I ran out of the room away from where the room where people were and ran. I couldn't stop. I find some stairs and ran up them until I ran to the roof. I was trap. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't breath. I dropped to my knees rocking back and forth. I broke. I let it. I let out my cry of anger and of rage and of sadness. I shook hard as the sobs ripped through my body. I was alone until I felt something warm engulf me in a tight embrace. I look up and saw that it was Sally. Sally looked me in the eyes and pulled me closer to her. I was shaking but I didn't care. This felt good.

She held me and let me cried. After I was done she didn't question it and left me alone on the roof top. I took out my phone to played See my tears by Machine Gun kelly , it helped calm me down. As I look up to the night saw the street lights began to shut of section by section until I was alone in the darkness with the light of the moon and now visible star. I stare out into the sky as the sound played softly in the background. When it was over I shut off my phone saving its battery. I stay where I was, I shiver a bit because of the cold but I didn't want to go inside just yet. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts and come to term with it. After a few minutes, I made my way back inside the school. It was pretty late but people were still up. I looked at my watch and it was only eight. I made my way back to the classroom we all stay in but before doing that I took a deep breath to calm myself down. I walked in and Sally and Claire looked up at me and smile. I give a small smile back and went to my cot. Jade was laying down on her bed and Tabi came running towards me. She jumped into my arms and hugged me. I didn't know how to react to this but I just wrapped my arms are the small girl. She kissed me on the cheek and ask me to read her a book. I couldn't say "no" to her so I told her to get me one and I'll read it. After ten or so minutes she came back with a thick book in her hands.