Unreturned love

The argument

I woke up this morning and was feeling great. I had packed my things, because we won the chase and I could move over to Niall. I was collecting every razor I had hidden. I looked under my bed and found some; down in the bag with them. I decided to start fresh. Stop cutting, start eating and just become more confident. I had to keep this experience in my past and move forward towards a better future. I had to forget Carl and the things he did, even though I would have the scars for life. Scars you can never hide, forget or lose. They’ll haunt you for the rest of your life. I took my bags and suitcase and went down the stairs. I know, I hid some down here. I sat my things down and looked under the sink. “What are you doing?” asked my mom, I was shocked and hit my head in the sink. I held my head and expected a bulge to appear in no time. I turned around “I’m sorry mom, but I’ve been cutting and I’m collecting my razors” I turned around and saw it “there it was” I said and put it in the bag. I tried remembering, if I had more, than those I already collected. I shrugged and put the bag in the thrash. I turned towards my mom and she looked sad. “Don’t worry; I’m not cutting again anytime soon or hopefully never again” “remember to keep in touch, I’ll make sure Carl isn’t around when you do” I nodded and gave her a hug. I hugged my sister too and walked to Niall’s house. Carl was sleeping over somewhere else, so I wasn’t bothered by him and never will again. I’ll start fresh and become a new person. I knocked on the door and Niall’s mom, Maura, opened it. She hugged me and stepped aside, so I could get in. I sat my stuff in the guestroom, my room, and went downstairs in the kitchen. I found Niall eating a big plate of... something I don’t know what is, but he eat everything, so he doesn’t mind. He finished and we went to school. I went to my locker, still with my backpack on my back, and hummed. I was happy for once in my life, but of course that never lasts long in my miserable life. Louis walked over to me and asked: “I know it’s a year ago, but when we... you know, you were well stretched. Why? I mean you were 15 by that time” I felt angry and scared “you weren’t the first to do that to me” I answered with my eyes on the lock to my locker.  “You were 15, who does that before they’re 15?” “apparently someone like me” I said “I didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted to know if something happened to you” “something did happen, but you and everyone else was too blind to see it!” “What happened?” “I slept with someone before you, and have slept with that person multiply times! Is that what you wanted to know? That you were right about the things you said before our regained friendship!”  “I didn’t mean any of that! I don’t even know why I said it! Can’t we just forget this?” “No! You have no right to invade my privacy! We may be friends, but I don’t trust you enough yet to tell you something like that!” “I just want to know what made you like this!” that made me snap “made me like this! Made me ruin myself, my body, my mind and made me what?! Gay?! Do you think that has anything to do with what happened?! No, it hasn’t! I was gay before I knew you, hell I was gay before I even knew! I knew I shouldn’t have forgiven you! I can’t do this!” I yelled and ran away, crying, angry and devastated. I just ruined the chance of a relationship with him and along the way, my own happiness. I ran home to Niall and went straight to the guestroom, got a piece of paper, a pencil and wrote a letter to Niall. I knew I had to do it, there’s no turning back, no regret, no suffering and no pain. My heart stung like a bitch and my tears ran down my cheeks and on the paper. I said I wouldn’t cut, but this is the last time and the end of my life. I finished the letter and laid it on my pillow, for Niall to find it. I opened the room, where I always had my razor, in my backpack and found it; the last of my razors, I had kept it for an emergency and this was it. I went to the bathroom, turned on the water and laid in the bathtub. I took a deep breath and drug it over my wrist, deep and dangerous. I saw the blood come out faster than ever and the pain was mesmerizing. I put it in the water and saw the transparent liquid turn red. I closed my eyes, heard screaming, but ignored it.

Louis’ Point Of View

I just made him angry and I think he cried when he ran away. I don’t know what he’s capable of, but I’m afraid that, he’s capable of hurting himself again. He’s done it before, what’s gonna stop him from doing it again? No one. I think I’ve really one it this time, driven him over the edge, the end of his life. He may have considered it before, but now he... OMG, he’s going to commit suicide. I heard Niall’s scream ring through the hall and he ran towards me with tears in his eyes and anger boiling in him. I felt the tears sting in my eyes. He wouldn’t do that would he? Would he kill himself, because of a stupid fight? I ran into an empty classroom, closed the door, sat down hid my face in my arms and cried. I heard someone open the door, but ignored it. I was sobbing by now and found comfort in the empty room. “Are you crying?” someone asked, concerned; Liam, definitely, Liam asked that. I didn’t answer, I couldn’t, and I just nodded “why?” Liam asked, angry, confused and sad, I lifted my head and let ‘the tears stream down my face’ (A/N A line from Moments) “I’ve been in love with Harry for as long as I can remember. I know, I haven’t exactly shown it or been nice to him, but he broke my heart, and I didn’t know how to react” “so you’re saying you’re in love with him and he broke you’re heart, you reacted badly and now he’s committed suicide” I froze, suicide? “He committed suicide?” I asked with a shaky and heartbroken voice. “Ups, forgot to mention that” he didn’t even sound regretful and that hurt. I turned my face towards him and more tears came. He was crying too “I haven’t been nice to you, Niall or Harry and I regret that. I regret every harsh word I used against you or your friends. I had a broken heart and the one to blame I saw every day. It hurt as hell to know he would never feel the same and would never be mine” “I know the feeling, but that doesn’t give you the right to do what you did” “I was raised in the belief that love was hurtful, love was harsh words and actions. My dad abused my mom and called it love. He never abused me, but taught me that, that was love. I never knew the real meaning of love until Harry came. He was so sweet, innocent and caring. He was so loving you couldn’t avoid loving him. I wanted to protect him and never hurt him. I wanted for him to be happy, but instead I hurt him like my father hurt my mother” “that’s really messed up” I nodded and hid my face again “you know that when you’re nice to other people, they do the same to you. You just have to forget that twisted image of love you have in your head and create your own” he came over to me and made circle movements on my back. I couldn’t believe Harry did that because of me. I slung myself onto Liam and we embraced each other. Suddenly his phone rang and he got it. He talked a little and hung up. “That was Niall, Harry is okay” he said and I sighed out of relief. I started crying again and Liam held onto me. He was okay. I haven’t got a chance to call him mine, but he’s alive and we can repair our friendship.