Larmes de Rasoir - Lashton | ON HOLD

12. Rainstorm of tears

But it didn't help. If anything, it only made him more frustrated. During his crazy rubbing, Luke felt something tugging at his skin under his sleeve.

His cuts.

He completely forgot about that! He didn't cut deep enough if he was able to forget the pain in his arm... Blood must've dried and stuck to the fabric of his hoodie. Shit, this means his mum will see it when she does laundry. He told her he wouldn't do it again. He's fucked. 

Luke winced as he tried to pull up his sleeve. He was right, it's stuck and if he pulls too hard, the cuts will bleed again and he'll make a mess on his floor and bedroom. What if his mum sees something like a drop of blood somewhere on his floor or comforter? She'll freak out.

He pushed himself up from the floor, opened his door and headed to the bathroom. Maybe he can wash the sleeve? The blood stain might come off if he scrubs hard enough. He needs to try, he loves this hoodie, he doesn't want to throw it away because of some stupid blood stains.

Taking off the hoodie was tricky and difficult. Luke carefully tried to not tear at his fresh scars but it was inevitable. The fuzzy fabric of his hoodie was well stuck with his dried blood. He should've been more careful and waited longer before pulling his sleeve down. 

Once it was off, Luke took a bit of soap and started scrubbing the stain. He scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed but it wasn't working. On the contrary, the stain expanded, making it worse. That didn't stop him, he continue scrubbing till his hands hurts because, fuck, he loves that hoodie. It's the one Kellin accidentally took home one day and- Kellin. 

The name made Luke drop the soap and hoodie into the sink as thoughts started flooding his brain. Thoughts he was desperately trying to push away. Flashbacks. Things he wanted to forget they ever happen, that they were real. 

It's crazy how quickly things can go downhill. This afternoon has been madness. He's felt major emotional up and downs in the span of twenty minutes and he doesn't really know where he stands now. 

He's emotionally lost and really confused.

Luke doesn't know what upsets him the most. Being rejected by Kellin, the one he loved or being pulled from the play, the only think he really enjoyed doing.

The play was everything to Luke. He loved performing every - or so - nights. He loved being a part of this adventure with his friends. The costumes were ugly and Marie was always watching him and reporting his every moves but he loved it anyway.

He was great at acting and had lots of fun. He felt wanted. 

Although Luke was sad of not being a part of this adventure anymore, the sadness was nowhere as painful as how he felt when Kellin told him he didn't feel the same. That he didn't have feelings for the young blonde.

Kellin's rejection hit him like train barreling down a railroad track. He didn't see it coming. The night before, they kissed and made out in the lodge. It was really, really nice and maybe Luke's mind made up things because now that he think about it, it was nothing more than that: a kiss. 

What he thought were loving touches were only lust. Kellin didn't like him - not like Luke does. He just wanted his body for a good fling, something Luke wasn't quite ready for. He's sixteen for fuck's sake, he doesn't want to have meaningless sex with his crush, he wants him to love him.