ROMANOGERS: PAST TO PRESENT

Chapter Forty Six

Tony's POV

A/n listen to Snow Patrol's: Chasing Cars.

Everything was a blur. Natasha was laying unconscious in the back of the plane and she looked like hell. She was nothing but skin and bones having lost severe weight since the last time I had seen her. Her eyes were dull and almost devoid of any life and not a single hint of her old fiery spirit could be seen. Clint stood by with tears streaming down his face as he watched the medics work. Tubes were sticking out of her in all directions and one of the medics was forcing her to breath. Her body was covered in bloodied and infected wounds and there wasn't a single centimeter of skin unscathed. Steve was next to her his leg swollen and bruised. He too was smaller than I had ever seen him. His cheeks were sunken in and his skin was covered in burns.

The jet was flying towards home but one thought kept flashing through my mind. Would we make it in time? The world outside was a swirling mass of color and I struggled to keep my stomach contents down. I watched as my friends lay there dying and I couldn't do a single thing about it. I recalled every hateful word I had ever said to them. My mind filled with all the times I had been a jerk. It hurt and I had nothing to say that would fix my actions. There was nothing I could say to explain how sorry I was.

The tower didn't come soon enough. When it did I felt no relief, I felt nothing at all as the two corpse like people I had come to know were dragged away. An operation team stood waiting for us and I stood frozen before snapping out of my daze and barreling off the plane in hot pursuit. I chased them on their stretchers until I was barricaded from the door by a doctor.

"Let me in!" I bellowed. The doctor shook his head defiantly.

"No. This is a high stakes operation only doctors are permitted." I fumed and tried to push past him.

"I'm a doctor shit head now let me in!" I yelled blood pounding in my ears. The man refused and I threw a punch without thinking. Rough hands pulled me back restraining me from further assault. The door slammed shut as if cutting me off from their life lines. I was released and didn't dare bother to see who had held me back. I sprinted around the corner where I saw Clint comforting his crying kids. Scarrlet sat shell shocked staring blankly at the wall. Thor was pacing anxiously and off in the distance thunder rumbled. I rushed through an open door and hurtled down a hallway. I nearly slipped bolting around another corner and coming up to my destination.

I was looking into the operation room through large glass panels. Blood was everywhere and the doctors worked frantically. My heart beat faster as I tried to get a look on their vitals. Suddenly the doctors regarding Natasha paniced and rushed about. My heart beat sporadically as I watched them try to shock her back to life. My knees shook and my head swam. I collapsed into a nearby chair with my head in my hands I cried for the first time that night.

"Tony-" A familiar voice started.

"Don't!" I yelled lifting my head to look at Fury. He was standing there so perfectly calm all I wanted to do was to hit him, to get some sort of emotion to appear on his godamn face. "If it hadn't been for you! If we hadn't been sent there in the first place this wouldn't have happened!"

"Stark you know that's not true." Fury replied monotone.

"The hell it is! How dare you stand there like nothing hasn't happened!" I yelled getting to my feet.

"You do not know how hard this is for me too." Fury stated still collected but his hand twitched.

"Hard for you? Since when have you cared?" I shouted. "My friends are dying in there!"

I picked up the chair and slammed it against the floor wood splinters went flying everywhere. "You don't think I know that? You think I want to watch the girl I practically raised dying? This man I spent years searching for?"

Fury snapped angrily and I could see pent up emotion in that single eye of his flare up. "It shouldn't have been them! They had no right to hurt them!" I spat.

I turned back to the scene I had been watching and I couldn't stand it. I turned and left heading towards the landing bay where we had come from. Outside rain was pouring as if the world was weeping too. It seeped into the folds of my clothes chilling me and yet I felt nothing. I turned my face to the sky and cursed at the world. "Is this what you wanted? They're just kids!"

"Tony..." A familiar voice called timidly. I turned to see Pepper standing in the rain not far behind me. Her eyes were red like she had been crying too. She didn't say anything but simply opened her arms and I dove into her embrace. She pressed her head into my shoulder and I could feel her shaking with sobs. We stood there letting the rain wash away our tears so more could come. We stood there for hours on end not caring that we might catch a cold or that we would be so numb it took another hour to thaw out. I looked up to see Clint comforting Scarrlet they two had found solace in the rain and upstairs I could see Hope through the window beating up some poor punching bag. I thought how funny it was that we were dying along with our friends.