Promises

Chapter 14

!!!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!

*Gerard's POV*

I can't.

I just can't.

Not without him.

I can't focus.

I can't eat.

I can't breathe.

I can't live.

People try to help.

Especially Portman.

I think she just feels really guilty.

My brother never visits anymore.

I haven't heard from him since that time with.....

I can't.

I can't say his name.

It hurts too much.

Everyone thinks that I'll get better.

I won't.

I'll never see him again.

What's the point?

What's the point of getting better?

I knew that this would happen.

Everytime I start feeling happy.

Everytime I start having hope.

It gets ripped away from me.

It gets torn to bits.

Right in front of my face.

I've been preparing.

They think that pills will help me.

They think that pills will help me live.

Oh how wrong they were.

I hide them.

Behind my gums.

In my cheeks.

Under my tongue.

Anywhere that they won't see.

Then I spit them out.

Quickly and slyly.

I hide them in my pocket.

At least until I get to my room.

Then I hide them in my pillow case.

I did this for awhile.

I don't know how long.

All the days started to blur together.

Now there's enough.

Now I can finally do it.

Once and for all.

Because I can't.

I can't do it.

I can't do anything without him.

I wait until it's the middle of the night.

I grab the pile.

Thirty pills.

At least.

I sneak out.

I sneak out to the courtyard.

Our tree looks dead.

I guess we both can't live without him.