The good girl and a rebel

Confused

I just stare at him, not sure what to say.

"I.." I look down slightly, sighing deeply, soon looking back up at him.

"Sorry, I'm not a fucking fag like you." I say, looking him in the eye. He looks absolutly heart broken. I shouldn't care. But I do.

"Aw boo!" Most of the class starts yelling as they throw stuff at me. I sigh deeply, looking down slightly, letting out a breath. I would think it would be more unpopular to be gay. But that's what people like. People who are themselves. Fuck. But I am being my fucking self. I can't get a break. Maybe because every girl fucking loves Maya. Every. Single. One. At this stupid fucking school.

I notice Riley make eye contact with me, furrowing her eyebrows slightly.

The bell soon rings to go to next period. As I walk passed Riley, she slips me a folded sheet of paper. I keep walking, opening it in the next period. "You know you're not proud of what you said." She wrote down, causing me to roll my eyes as I let out a deep sigh. At the bottom of the paper is written, "you know you wanted to say yes. You're just afraid of being judged negativly."

"Fuck.." I breathe out, running my fingers through my hair.

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The bell's rang for school to end, I'm going out to my car, when I notice Farkle sitting on the curb, probably waiting for his ride. I let out a deep sigh as I look down slightly. "Don't do it Lucas." I tell myself as I kick a rock.

I soon find myself walking in his direction. "Hey, Farkle.." I say as I sit down next to him.

"What do you want, Lucas?" He asks, his voice cold. I sigh once again, looking over at him. "I'm sorry about what happened in Matthews' class today. I panicked and-" I'm interrupted mid-sentance by him kissing me.

I immedietly push him away, getting up quickly. My face growing hot very quickly. "You- you just-" I stutter out, not able to find any words to say. Farkle gets up, getting in my face. "Oh because I'm a guy too you can't accept that I like you? But when a girl shows any intrest in you, you're all for it? You know what. I'm fucking done with you. Bye, Lucas." With that, he storms off.

My eyes are wide, mouth open. Shock still fresh with everything. "Fuck." I breathe out. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I start to pace around, my fingers in my hair. "What the fuck do I do?! Why do I care so much?!" I ask myself, wishing someone would give me an answer.

I can still feel his lips on mine, not really wanting to. I start to get a boner from thinking about it. "Shit. Stop it. You're not gay, Lucas! You're not! He doesn't fucking matter to you!" I say, walking to my car, quickly getting in, driving off the school campus, going into the woods where I go to cool down.

I walk into the woods, knowing it inside and out from how many times I've been here. Most people don't usually come in here. So I'm always alone.

I walk to a clearing in the woods, going over to the rock I always sit on, sitting down, entangling my fingers in my hair. The kiss continues to come to my mind. "Fuck! Lucas stop it! You're straight! Straight as a fucking stick!" I tell my self, soon looking over, noticing a bent stick on the ground. "Fuck." I sigh out, continuing to look at the stick.

"How is that even possible?" I ask myself, knowing I won't have an answer.

"How is it possible that you're straight if you're thinking about the situation this much?" I hear an unfamilier voice, causing me to break away from my thoughts as I jump slightly, thinking I was alone.

"Fuck! What the- who the fuck are you?!" I ask, panic in my tone as I stand up, ready to fight or flight at any moment.

"That doesn't matter, but if you're thinking about a guy that much, it's obvious that you're not as straight as you believe yourself to be." And with that, he's gone in the blink of an eye.

"What the fuck. Is there anyone that can tell me what I want to hear like, oh no, Lucas. You're straight as a fucking tree. Don't listen to them. You want Riley to be yours. But no! Everyone's conspiring against me! I'm not fucking gay!" I tell my self, kicking a tree. I sigh deeply, looking around. Once again, noticing a fucking bent tree. "Fuck."

"What am I supposed to do?" I ask myself, running my fingers through my hair once again, becoming stressed out.

"Maybe.. Maybe I should.."