Skater girl (Camren)

Chapter 12

Camila's POV

The digits on my alarm indicate that it's far too early to be participating in life, but my body seems to disagree. My eyes are wide open, my thoughts resemble a broken record and excitement rushes throughout my whole body.

It's Friday. I have a date with Lauren. It's Friday. I have a date with Lauren. It's Friday.

I lie still for a few minutes, trying to calm my racing heart, but to no avail. I can't shake the nerves that have taken over my body.

I'm going out with a girl. It only downs on me now.

Until now, all there has been between Lauren and I are feelings. Feelings are just feelings until you act upon them and then they become something else, something more.

I was raised to trust my feelings and to never be afraid or ashamed of them, raised to believe my feelings are always valid. My feelings are a big part of who I am, so I shouldn't neglect them or I'd basically be suppressing a part of myself.

But everyone is raised in a different way and for the first time I wonder what people will think of me for going out with another girl.

I've always looked for approval in the people around me and I care a lot about other people's opinions. I know I should put my values and feelings first, but since I value the opinions of others, I wouldn't be happy if they disapproved or looked down on me.

My worries about being accepted add to the nerves for my date and if I don't distract myself soon, I'm going to lose my mind.

I shouldn't doubt something I want so bad, but I can't help it. I feel like suddenly everything is going wrong, so, I'm going to take The 1975's advice and get in the shower.

A couple minutes later the hot stream of water hits the tense muscles of my neck and instantly soothes them. I stand still for few moments and roll my head around with my eyes closed, just enjoying the feeling.

The routine of taking a shower leaves a lot of time to think and my thoughts wander back to Lauren.

---

Matty led me on.

The shower didn't solve a thing. If anything, it made things worse because I had so much time to think.

I spend the rest of my time before school in a daze, brooding while performing my usual morning routine.

When Lauren texts to say she's outside I grab my stuff to meet her and race down the stairs. I swing the door open and I'm met with her wide grin and sparkling eyes.

As soon as she's standing right in front of me, my doubts are momentarily forgotten and I instantly answer her grin. When I'm around her, it doesn't feel wrong.

I pull the door closed behind me and skip down the steps to greet her with a hug.

Our walk to school is filled with happy chatter and it's over in no time. Before I know it we're separated and I'm sitting in my seat in the back of the class, alone with my thoughts once again.

Somehow they drift back to Lauren, like usual, only they're not the happy ones from when we were walking together. They're more similar to the ones I had earlier this morning.

I'm still nervous about our date even though I know I shouldn't be and I'm just overthinking everything.

Students file into the classroom one by one or in little groups during the remainder of time until the bell. Dinah and Normani arrive, like every day, right before the bell rings.