He made her wear one of his t shirts and settled down next to her. Holding him tightly she rested her head on his chest. All she thought was that he had to go to work tomorrow and she'll be alone, but she never bought up the topic. He held her within an equivalent force. Kissing her head at regular intervals and whispering 'I love you's' he tried to calm her down. This was by far the worst night after her r*pe. It shook him completely. For the first time she dreamt of Arshiya in those horrific nightmares.
Fear is a very wierd emotion. It strips you off your dignity leaving you raw and vulnerable. But it also makes you come face to face with reality. It makes you aware of the hollowness within you. His wealth and power mocked him openly. What use were this money and status when they couldn't give her peace. And till when was she supposed to go through this ordeal.
She looked up at him. He tilted his head down and smiled at her gently.
"I'm sorry.." She whispered as her eyes filled up again.
"That's it?!" He teased her playfully trying to lighten her mood.
"Nilay..I didn't mean it." She spoke broken. He didn't say anything instead turned himself in the bed and now lay facing her. She rested her hands on his bare chest as if trying to calm him down.
"Let's see what can we do about it?"
But before he spoke anything else he found her soft lips pressed to his. Smiling he pulled her to him and kissed her with gentleness and passion. He bit her lip slightly and she gasped and then pouted.
"This is for making me bathe in those wierd soaps and bubbles. I smell like some flower now!" He scrunched his nose up like a child.
"You smell so good Nilay!"
"Of Course!" He scoffed to which she giggled. He slid his hands up her thighs and beneath his t shirt. His fingers ran in diffeent patterns and finally he started tickling her.
"Nilay stop!" Now hovering over her he continued his torture and she couldn't stop laughing. With tears in her eyes she begged him to stop which he did and pecked her lips. She turned her back to him arched herself adjusting to his front. Raising her hand behind her she caught his hand. Bringing it forward she tucked it comfortably beneath her arm to between her breasts, intertwining her fingers with his. He smiling pulling her closer and nuzzled her neck from behind.
"Tahira?" He spoke after fifteen minutes.
"No." She whispered. She knew what he was asking for.
"Please.." He continued. They had had this conversation in the past numerous times. He always gave up in front of her but not today. She needed a therapist.
"A Psychatrist.." She mumbled.
"I would prefer calling him or her a psychologist." He said strongly.
"I..I'm not.."
"No you've not lost your mind! It's therapy. That's what it is. A professional will speak to you about it. He or she will guide you in the right direction. It's high time Tahira."
"But you always come ."
"Till when you you want to go through all this? Who knows how much time will this be with you - days, months or maybe years! I'm not here most of the times. I come back late at night and God knows how many times you already have these..these nightmares till I finally come and hold you!"
"I don't know.."
"We just need direction baby. It's okay to take help!"
"It might not help.."
"Correct..it might not. But think about what if it does! What if you actually come out of this horrific state? You'll end up sleeping peacefully without fear...you'll be able to sleep with Arshiya without the fear of hurting her or waking her up from your screams!"
"But.."
"You need this Tahira. Arshiya and me- we need this. For us...please."
"Okay." She whispered. He sighed in relief kissing her neck.
..............
Nilay had talked to John about it and he had referred her to a good psychologist. In the morning the couple patiently waited in the waiting room for the doctor to call her. Arshiya was asleep in her pram and Nilay sat holding her hand. He had taken an off. He squeezed her hand lightly. Se looked at him and he knew what she was fearing.
"I'm going to wait here..outside with our baby." She smiled at him gratefully.
"Mrs. Singh?" The assistant called out her name.
"The doctor will see you now." Tahira nodded her head. Nilay held her hand as she was about to leave.
"Hey! I'm right here - with you. You can do this. I love you." She looked down at him with tears.
As she moved forward her mind comprehended. Sometimes this is all you need. A person who has faith in you and can push you in the right direction. He knew it was a very big and a difficult step for her. But Nilay had faith in her and he knew that she could recover. She would do it for him. Right outside the door she turned back and smiled at him.
Mouthing a 'I love you' She moved inside.
They had taken a new and a positive step to move further. She was ready to leave her old life. Because much better things were waiting ahead.
To be continued...
