Phantom Pain (trilogy)

To Save an Angel

            Chapter 1: To Save anAngel

The first thing the priest did, as he locked up for the night, was put out the candles. With the extinguishing of that last bit of light, the nave was plunged into darkness, save for the moonlight filtering in through stained glass.

The second was to remove the rattling key chain from inside his robes, as he walked slowly towards the door.

He did not see me, though I had been there for quite some time. I sat slumped near the end of one of the pews furthest from the front, half submerged in the shadows through which I had gotten here.

As he passed me, I almost stayed silent. I almost allowed the poor man to continue his life unhindered. But I was a selfish creature, and this was not the first time I had returned to this church. The young priest was wise. I had sensed that the first time. The advice he had given me before, unknowingly, had influenced the choices I'd made.

"Father." My voice echoed through the silence.

He jumped, then stood frozen for a moment. Slowly, he spun, key clutched in his hand like a weapon.

At first he did not see me. "Who's there?"

His eyes searched the darkness, falling on everything but me. He was terrified. I could see it. I could smell it.

"Someone I do not expect you to remember." I got to my feet, walking out into the aisle to face him.

He was sizing me up, I could tell, and I attempted to make my stance as nonthreatening as was possible. There was still no recognition in his eyes. I must have looked strange, a young boy carrying a sword. The last time I'd been here I had been looking for it.

"What are you doing here, son?"

I was impressed by how level he managed to keep his voice.

"I asked you a question once." I took a tentative step towards him. "I said I would come back to hear your answer. I am sorry it took so long. Things do tend to get in the way."

Realization crossed his face. "I remember you. How could I forget?"

More out of habit than anything, I did a quick sweep of the room. Though it was shrouded in shadow, none of them were more sinister than they appeared. We were alone in the church.

The priest kept talking, fear gone from his voice, though I could feel it still inside him. "I asked about you after, you know? I know why you and your friends were here. You were looking for Penaly, for a sword."

I smiled, tracing the hilt of mine with my finger. It was good to have it back. I remembered how helpless I'd felt without it.

"Did you come up with an answer?" I asked. "To my question."

There was a pause. "The one about the angels right?" He asked. "How many human lives are worth the life of an angel?"

His eyebrows furrowed as he spoke the words, voice bitter.

"How many humans would you sacrifice to bring an angel back to life?" I repeated my exact words, suddenly terrified.

Last time I hadn't known. Last time it had been a genuine question. But it appeared now that I had already made my choice. Though I did not wish to kill humans, I had betrayed them.

The priest was shaking his head. "Your question goes against scripture. I see it written nowhere that angels can die at all."

"But for the point of the question," I pressed on. "Please."

He had begun to back away. "Just let me get a light. We can talk, I promise, just not like this."

Sliding through the shadows, like I'd grown accustom to doing, I reappeared near the church doors, in front of the switch. I did not wish for him to cut off my escape route.

"In the bible," I continued. "There is a story about a man who sacrificed his daughters to save two angels from a mob."

The priest was nodding, frozen where he stood.

"But in the beginning, God told uh—God said unto the angels that they must bow down before man the way they bowed down before him."

The priest didn't seem to have anything to offer, still fixed to the spot he'd stood in when I'd moved through the shadows.

I held up my arms like a pair of scales. "I'm just not sure. I'm just not sure what He intended, or even if His intentions should matter at all now. He's gone, you know," I told the priest, "though I know you're not going to believe me."

We stood in silence for a long time and I contemplated simply slipping away and leaving the priest to wonder if I'd even been there at all, but I did not.

"Are you afraid of me?" I asked, terrified of the answer.

The priest looked like he was going to nod, but then shook his head a fraction of an inch. "I'm not sure what you are, but you're not the devil, that much I can see."

"I'm nothing," I sighed. "I belong nowhere: not up above, or down below, or even here really."

"But you are here." A bit of his previous intensity had returned to the man. "You're here, talking to me. And whatever your story is I want you to think about what that means."

"That I'm stupid, and selfish," I said, "dragging you into this, throwing my problems upon you."

The priest was shaking his head. "It means you regret something, that you are unsure. Sit down, my child," he gestured to the nearest pew. "Talk to me, though I fear I'm not worthy to know what you do. Talk to me and I'll try to understand."

So I did, and he slid in next to me, still in the almost absolute blackness of the church.

"My name's Isaac," he said, and I could have laughed. "What should I call you?"

"I knew someone with that name once," I said, trying my hardest not to see Gavyn kneeling over his father's body. "And me..." The words caught in my throat. "You can call me Ramie."

Just as I said the name that Gavyn had given me, I sensed something, a disturbance in the energies of the room.

Father Isaac didn't seem to notice. "If I may, Ramie, what are you?"

I didn't answer, barely listening at all. Whatever it was stood right outside the front doors of the church. The feeling was weak, so it was one demon, maybe two, though I doubted it. Why couldn't they just leave me alone for one night?

"I mean, I've already come to the conclusion that it's not human." There was fear in his voice. He was unsure if he was allowed to ask this question.

I knew the demon, whoever they were, could easily move inside. It was very dark here. "Shit," I said allowed. We did not have much time.

"What?" Isaac asked, and I realized how that must sound as an answer to his question.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I wish I had time to answer, I really do. I wish I had time to talk to you." I rose to my feet. "But I have to leave. Something has followed me here."

The priest didn't argue. "You must return." He was the most forceful he'd been. "We must finish this conversation."

"It's not safe. I should never have--"

He cut me off. "This is my decision, and I decide that I want to finish this conversation, as soon as it is safe for you."

I nodded, stepping through the nearest shadow. Hopefully whatever demon pursued me would follow me away from this place, and Isaac.