Phantom Pain (trilogy)

In Between

Chapter 22: In Between

The first thing I noticed was that I was sprawled across the floor of the ethereal temple.

The second thing was that Cassiel had collapsed on the pedestal, the strain of maintaining the connection, along with bringing a guest, too much for him.

“What happened?” Dariel asked, offering to help me to my feet.

I considered telling him what his archangel had done, but kept my mouth shut: partly because I did not wish to drag him down with me, and partly because I was terrified that he would turn against me as well.

Cassiel made a sound of exertion, extending his black wings to their full span. Beat after beat, he lifted his crumpled body from the stone, until he landed in front of me, sturdy on his feet.

“Ramiel will be returned to his--” the archangel stopped mid sentence, and I could see that his consciousness had been drawn somewhere else. When he snapped back to this reality he said, “I am sorry. New orders have arrived from Gabriel. You are to be kept in the space between.”

Dariel stiffened, and though I knew it had probably been accidental, he shield me slighting with his being.

“Do you--do you wish me to take him there?” There was fear in his voice.

“No.” Ever so gently, Cassiel separated us. “I will do it.”

Before I even had a chance to say good bye, for what felt like the tenth time that day, Cassiel touched my shoulder, taking me with him. We stepped to the edge of an endless drop into nothingness. The dark chimney extended all the way through the centre of heaven. It was the only way in, or out. When he pushed me I would fall, but without my wings or sword I could not travel from one world to another. I would fall, and fall, and fall.

I looked at Cassiel, dead in the eyes. “Do you blame me for this, brother?”

There was a very long silence. Why did I expect him to answer this question, when I couldn't myself?

“No more than I have blamed any other for anything they have done.” He answered without really answering.

“I am so sorry. If I could trade myself for--”

Cassiel shut me up by forcibly sealing my mouth. “I see it eating away inside of you. It will destroy you, even if Gabriel does not.”

There was no sympathy there, nor anger. It had been a clean statement of fact, because—in his wisdom—Cassiel could see the truth. He knew that no one was hurt as much by Penemue's passing as the one who had killed him, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. Cassiel still held faith in the unpersonified cosmic scales of justice. It was this faith that kept him separate from any conflict. And, in me, he saw them at work.

With a flutter of his wings, Cassiel pushed me into the darkness. I plummeted towards earth, never reaching it. Without any point of reference but the darkness, I could try and convince myself that I wasn't falling. It did not work, and I plummeted.

Downwards. Infinite. Until someone caught me in their arms.