Dear Dei,
How are you? Do you still dislike raisins? How many sneakers do you already have? Does it still hurt on your first day? Does Dean still can't call you Ate? Is Tatay and Nanay still sweet as before? Is Coleen still with her bae like boyfriend? Is Ate Niki still mad at me? How's your heart?
I got a lot of questions, Dei. Questions, that I know may not be answered but just for the sake of letting it out of my chest, for the last time, let me throw them out there.
I still don't understand why we ended up like this. When we were supposed to be together forever. When we were supposed to have a Charmaine and take care of Nini and Phillip. When we were supposed to build our dreams together. I don't know what went wrong and we may never find that out but I really hoped and prayed that we're still together. That things didn't change. That our plans and dreams come true. That you and I are still the same as before. You loving me, me cherishing you.
Remember my first birthday with you? Remember that rainbow cake? It's as if that was only weeks ago. I can still remember the sweet taste of that cake, the warmth it brought my heart and your heartfelt video message when you were baking it. It was a first. A first for me to feel something while eating a cake. And when you sing for me, I just love how you dedicated that song. It was something I've wished, you know. A sign that I've asked from above and I hoped I've made you feel how grateful I was that day and the days after.
You were like an oasis in this desert-like heart of mine. You made me believe in love, fate and Forever again. You loved me, just the way I am, the real me - Jay. I was grateful, love. For everything. And I'm sorry for causing you pain. But if we'll be on that situation again, I'll do the same thing, love. I'll set you free. Not because I love you no more but because I love you so much and that I'll always want what's best for you. I would always want you to achieve your dreams. Soar higher. Dream higher. Fulfill your wishes. Even if that meant not being by your side. I don't want you to hold back just because of me. I don't want to be your anchor, love. I want to be like the string that holds a kite up. That no matter how high you can and will fly, I'll always support you. It's sad that our string wasn't able to keep up but I am glad you continued soaring higher.
I'll always love you, Dei. Always have, always will, till Forever.
Loving you from afar,
Jay
She didn't realized that she was crying - not until the paper started getting wet. She tried re-reading the letter, but failed coz tears were clouding her vision - again. A soft sob escaped her lips when she brought the letter near her heart. The letter slowly fell on the floor while she covered her tear-stained cheeks with her hands. She cried her heart out whilst trying not to remember the days she spent with him. Coz remembering them only made the pain in her chest much worse that she's having a hard time breathing.
"Dei... Dei..." She felt warm hands touching her cheeks. "Wake up, love." Her eyes flung open at the sight of him - her Jay.
