Louis wakes up the next morning, he and Mystery had a sleepover at his apartment after they had their small heart to heart, only bringing them closer to one another. He yawns softly and rubs his eyes gently, sitting up and stretching a bit, his arms making a loud popping noise.
"God, it sounds disgusting when your bones pop." Mystery says quietly, her eyes still closed as she lays in the spot next to Louis', yes they shared a bed. Louis pouts and rolls his eyes. "You voice sounds disgusting when you wake up." He retorts and smirks. Mystery gasps, her eyes widening as she grabs a pillow and throws it at his face, causing him to tumble off the bed. She laughs widely and clutches onto her stomach, "I'm so sorry!" She says to him as her laugh fills the room.
Louis groans and whines, rubbing his head gently as he sits up. "Liar.." He mumbles and sighs. He stands up and rolls his eyes at the girl on his bed. Her laughs calm down soon and she glances at Louis, who is now rummaging through his clothing so he can take a shower. "Louis, how are you feeling today?" She asks curiously, "Truthfully." She adds on, not wanting to hear some bullshit answer.
Louis freezes his movements and thinks for a moment, trying to gather his words. He simply just shrugs and continues to look for some clothes to wear. "Louis.." She frowns deeply and runs a hand through her long, pastel blue hair. Louis stays quiet, tears brimming his eyes. He's not feeling okay. He never feels okay. "You better get going, I have to take a shower. I've got a therapy meeting today." He states, his voice cracking. Mystery feels her heart ache at the tone of Louis' voice. "Are you sure..?" She whispers and gets out of bed, beginning to walk over to him. "Please.." He says in a soft voice, almost inaudible. She chews on her bottom lip softly and nods, "Call me, whenever. If you need me.. I'm always free." She promises and slips on her shoes before she leaves.
Once she's gone, Louis takes a nice, long, and hot shower. So hot, the water burns his skin slightly, but he doesn't mind. He thinks it feels quite nice. The pain... Pain feels nice, Louis can handle pain.. He's been through so much of it, it's like a normal feeling for him. He steps out of the shower and dries his body. He then steps in front of his mirror and intakes a sharp breath.
Fat
Worthless
Ugly
The voices are all coming back to him. He can't stop them.. His skin is pale and littered in scars, cheeks sunken in from the lack of food. He only eats when he absolutely needs to. A small fruit every hour since he has to constantly be eating. He drinks water every couple of minutes or so. He sighs deeply and just tries to block out the horrid thoughts by walking away from his mirror. His therapist says it's not good for him to look into the mirror for too long. Because, he'll begin to see flaws that aren't really there. His mind will pick at his brain and make him fall back into the darkness.
Darkness...
His old friend..
Louis quickly gets dressed before he hurriedly makes his way to his therapy session.
-
"Hello, Louis." His therapist says with a warm smile as Louis enters the room, Louis just nods and sits in the chair opposite of them. "How are you today?" They ask and hand Louis the silly putty he uses when he speaks, to keep his mind calmer.
Louis takes the silly putty and fiddles with it as he chews harshly on his lower lip, biting down on it so roughly it almost begins to bleed.
"Louis." They say, getting him out of his dazed state. Louis glances up at his therapist and releases his lip, "I asked how you were?" They repeat.
Louis shrugs before the tears begin to form once more.
"I feel worthless.. I am worthless, I know that. We all know that. You don't really care about me. You're just in it for the money! Nobody really cares about me." He whimpers, the tears falling down his face as he begins to break down. His therapist watches Louis closely and stays quiet, just wanting Louis to let it all out. "I can't do this anymore!" Louis continues, his voice cracking. "I'm tired of breathing. I'm tired of trying to fight for something that's not worth fighting for anymore. I sick of being in love with someone I will never see again. I'm so... So tired of being a worthless loser who will never get anywhere in life. My life is beyond pointless.. I hate everything about myself. If you were to ask me what I loved about myself... We'd be sitting in silence for hours, because I wouldn't be able to think of anything. But, if you were to ask me what I hated about myself, I would most definitely be able to write you a god damn book about all the reasons of why I absolutely despise myself." He says, breathing deeply.
"I won't say I'm okay.. Because my mother taught me not to lie.. I will never.. Be okay..."
