It's been a year now.
Louis lives in Orlando, Florida.
Harry lives in Docaster, England. Still going to school. He's now in his last year of high school, but this isn't about Harry right now. No, it's about Louis.
Louis hasn't been the same as he once was. That day he decided to move away was hard for him. He just left a note on the counter for his mother and was on his way. He left his cell phone at home. Nobody knowing if the boys even alive anymore. But, he is. He's very much alive. Barely. But, he's still breathing. He's found a cheap apartment in Orlando, not far from Disney World. He likes living close to something that seems so happy. Florida was a nice choice, it's mostly sunny and bright. Something he needs in his life. He got a shitty job at Toys R' Us, but he doesn't mind. He just needs something that'll pay the bills. He's decided to start therapy. Today's his first day. He's beyond nervous. Hands are shaky as he holds tightly onto the steering wheel, driving his beat up car to his session. He pulls into an empty parking lot and takes a few deep breaths before exiting his car. Chewing on his bottom lip roughly as he enters the building. Knees weak as he walks up to the front desk and the lady leads him into a room at the end of the hallway. He slowly enters and keeps his gaze down onto the floor. Not wanting to make eye contact with the man sitting in a chair behind a desk, facing the door way. He quietly sits down in the chair opposite the man, still choosing to stay silent.
The therapist clears his throat quietly before speaking. "Hello, Lewis. I'm Dr. Lee." He says with a small smile. Louis cringes at the name, "Louis..." He mumbles in a quiet, shy voice. The therapist nods, "Sorry about that." He apologizes. Louis shrugs as he continues chewing on his bottom lip, the silence between them is awkward. "Um.. Let's get started shall we..?" Dr. Lee questions. Louis shrugs.
"It seems like you know yourself pretty well and have thought a bunch about what you would like to talk about here. People who show up here have courage galore, perhaps even a tad bit of exasperation. If you don't mind, I'm going to ask you some questions, and take notes about what you say so I can keep it fresh in my memory. Oh, and feel free to interrupt me at any time or steer the conversation to where you need it to go. In your mind, what brings you here today?" He says as he leans forward, lacing his hands together on top of his desk.
Louis takes a deep, shaky breath and exhales it slowly. Thinking about why he's here. Why is he here? Probably because he needs at least someone to talk with about his pointless problems. Someone to help him understand why he's not getting better, only worse. "I, um, I don't know... Just... I need someone to talk to I guess.. I haven't gotten anyone else.. This was my last resort.. I'm just... I'm depressed, I guess..." He says hesitantly. Dr. Lee nods and writes down on some papers.
"Have you ever seen a counselor before? If so, how many meetings did you attend and for what issues? Did you achieve the results you sought, and did your results 'stick?' What one thing do you remember most that your previous counselor/psychologist/social worker told you? What went right, or what didn't turn out the way you would have liked it to?"
"Um.. No, I've never seen a counselor before.. I always had someone to help me through my problems. But, now that I don't I thought I'd give this a try..." He says quietly as he keeps his gaze down at his lap, playing nervously with his hands.
"Everyone has a different perspective on what the problem is, and who or what the solution is. The point of counseling is to create positive changes as rapidly as possible without feeling hurried. How do you see the problem or how do you define it? Which difficult people in your life are causing problems for you? How do you get along with people at work? How would you describe your personality? What are three of your biggest life accomplishments? Who or what is most important to you in your life? What is the problem from your viewpoint?" He says as he looks curiously at the boy.
Louis swallows thickly and hesitates, not sure how to answer so many questions all at once. Should he tell the therapist about Harry? Of course he should... Harry is his main problem... Harry... Louis takes a deep breath before answering. "I see my.. Problem.. As an annoying thing that I wish could just go away, I don't like feeling numb and miserable all the time. I hate it.. So much.. Um, the person who causes my problems isn't in my life anymore... I guess that's the problem. He's not in my life anymore.. People in my work think I'm creepy because I never speak and I'm so closed off. My manager worries about me, but... Oh well.." He shrugs, "My personality...? Dull.. Boring.. Dark.. Biggest accomplishments... Falling in love with the most beautiful man I've ever seen.." He whispers, "Being footie, sorry, Soccer, team captain all years of high school that I attended. Um.. I don't know another one.. My past isn't really something that had a lot of accomplishments in it.. Most important person to me is a lad named Harry... He's my ex... No longer in my life, but he's still my world.. My problem from my point of view is that... Harry's not with me.." He says as tears brim his eyes. Dr. Lee nods and presses his lips into a tight line as he takes some notes.
"We all have problems or challenges that we must face. Are you an optimist or a pessimist? How do you feel when a problem pops up unexpectedly? Although feelings aren't right or wrong, good or bad, every problem has a way of making us feel one way or another. So, how does this problem typically make you feel? Do you feel sad, mad, hopeless, stuck or what?"
"Well... I'm most definitely a pessimist." He laughs sadly and shakes his head, "I feel... Useless and worthless when problems pop up randomly. I feel like I can't do anything right. That's why problems keep coming up out of nowhere.. I feel... Hopeless.. Numb." He informs.
"How does the problem affect your self-esteem or your sense of guilt?"
"It... Makes my self-esteem low... Really low. I've lost a lot of weight because of it. My body is disgusting. Well, it's always been gross. But, I can't even look at myself in the mirror without wanting to throw up. My self-esteem is... It doesn't even exist really.. My guilt... That's all I ever feel. Guilty. So, fucking guilty for what I've done. I'm the reason I ever have this problem.." He whispers.
Dr. Lee nods and looks at the time. Their session is ninety minutes long and they've already got ten minutes left. "Well, Louis... I'm glad we've made some progress on the first day. I've written down some questions that I'll be asking you for our next session. I'd like to talk more about this Harry fellow. Just know, that if there's ever days where you don't want to talk. I won't make you. I don't mind sitting in silence for ninety minutes. If you do, however, harm yourself and I see it. I've got no choice but to report you and send you to a mental facility. Other than that, everything that is said in this room is confidential and will never leave this room." He assures and gives the boy a warm smile. "I was nice to meet you, I can't wait to get to know you better and try my hardest to help you."
"Thank you.."
