A/N every other chapter will be Louis, and the others will be Harry. Yeah, I'm going through a shit time. But I appreciate how caring you all are and decided not to just let my story go to waste because of my selfishness. Louis chapters will be pretty fucking sad. Harry's will be more happy and... Violent. Cause you know... Harry's... Yeah.
-
"Louis. Nice to see you again." The therapist smiles. Louis shrugs and looks down. Obviously not in the mood. His face is pale, eyes having dark circles underneath them as if he hasn't slept in weeks. Which is true. He looks thinner than the last time the doctor has seen him. His collar bones are more visible and cheeks are sunken in.
"Are you not in the mood to talk..? We don't have to if you wish not to.." The therapist assures him in a gentle voice. Louis shrugs, keeping his gaze down. "It'll just be a waste of the money I don't have if we don't talk... So..." He shrugs. The therapist nods and gets his note book ready to take notes.
"In the past two weeks, how often have you felt down, depressed, or hopeless?" He starts off.
"Everyday... All day... All night... It never goes away... Depressed and hopeless are the only words people use to describe me... It's all I feel.." Louis whispers.
"Have you had any thoughts of suicide?"
Louis stays quiet for a moment as he chews on his bottom lip and thinks. Should he lie? Or speak the truth? There's really no point in lying, so he just goes for it. "I have... All the time... Late at night when I can't sleep, it's all that's on my mind... Suicide and the different ways I could do it... Should I swallow a bottle of pills? Take a gun and put it in my mouth, shooting my brains out, making them splatter across the already dirty white walls of my shifty apartment? Hang myself from a tree and let my lifeless body dangle for all to see? Jump off the tallest building I can find, wishing I could fly, fly away from everything. But not all wishes come true, so I'd just smash against the pavement. Drive out to sea and drown myself in the deepest depths of the ocean? Or continue living and look at pictures of Harry? Although the last one sure as hell would hurt a lot more than trying to kill myself..." He says in a shaky voice. The way Harry's name sounds coming from his mouth seems foreign. He doesn't say it much... Weird...
The therapist listens to Louis with concern clear on his face. He worries about the boy. He worries about him a lot. It scares him how depressed and broken Louis is. But, everything broken can be fixed. As long as there's a will... There's a way. "How is your sleeping patterns?" He asks after taking some notes.
"Sleeping? Is that even something I know how to do? How do you sleep?" Louis forces out a chuckle. "I don't do much of it... But when I do.. I always have nightmares... I wake up either screaming or crying. Sometimes both. It terrifies me... The thought of falling asleep... So, I don't do it... Even though being alone in the darkness with my own thoughts isn't any better..." He shrugs and takes a deep, shaky breath.
"Do you prefer to stay at home rather than going out and doing new things?" He asks as he writes down a medication he thinks he should have the boy start taking.
"I prefer staying at home rather than anything. Being at home is better than being out in the open, being judged by everyone else around you. It's better than being forced to work a job you don't even like. Better than being forced to interact with ungrateful shits who have everything but want more than they deserve. Being home is my safe place. But, I think being in Neverland would be much better than being at home.." He says softly.
"Neverland..?" The therapist questions with a confused face and laces his hands together on top of the desk, interested in why Louis brings up Neverland.
Louis sighs, "Yeah... Neverland... It's perfect.. I want to be a lost boy..." He whispers. "Wanna know why Peter Pan doesn't grow up? It's because he's dead... Peter Pan is based off of a little boy who died, so that's why he'll never grow up. I want to be like Peter Pan... I don't want to grow up... I want to fly away to Neverland and stay young forever. Second star to the right and on til morning, that's where you'll find Neverland..." He says softly and nervously plays with his hands.
"You like Peter Pan..?" The man questions.
"Yeah... I do, it's my favorite Disney movie... When I lived in Doncaster, a few of my friends would say I looked like him sometimes..." Louis says, a small, forced smile on his face.
"Why don't you try out for the Peter Pan position at Disney World?" He asks in a soft voice.
Louis shrugs, "I'm not good enough..." He says truthfully.
"But, maybe it would help with your depression. Disney World is filled with magic." He smiles at the young boy.
Louis bites on his lower lip and shrugs once more.
"Think about it, yeah?" He says.
"Maybe... I don't know... They'll probably say I'm too mentally unstable.. "
The doctor sighs and nods, "Well... Looks like we're out of time. I want you take these medications. Your not on any right now are you?" He asks, Louis shakes his head no. "Okay. These will help you sleep and should help with your depression. If they don't, we can try something else. But take these for the next 30 days. I also want you to have this." He says and hands the boy a black, red, and yellow note book. "Write in the black one when you're up at night, feeling suicidal, depressed, or just down in general. Write in the red one when you're angry, frustrated, or even just annoyed because you've ran out of milk. The yellow... Write in the yellow when you're feeling good and happy. It'll help. Writing out your feelings really does help. It's like a nice little release." He smiles. "I won't ask to read any of them unless you ask me too." He assures. Louis nods and takes the notebooks.
"See you next week, Lost Boy."
