Diary of a Non-Binary

Part Twenty-Three

It's almost... disappointing... when someone who has been so good with pronouns uses the wrong one. It could just be a small mistake, but it feels just as bad. Maybe I'm just overreacting...

My mom asked me the other day why I want to be a boy. I told her that it's not that I want to be one, it's just that I am one. It's something that people just don't really get. They don't even have to be transphobic either, it's just not really talked about a lot. Cisgender people sometimes just don't understand that trans* isn't wanting to change your gender, that the part you can't really change about yourself. The part that most just want to do is change their sex, legally or physically or both. It's about wanting your body to match what you feel you are on the inside, not wanting to change everything for no reason in particular.

I shaved my face recently, not that I needed to by any means, or that I believe it'll somehow make it grow magically... but it made me feel good. It made me feel more like myself, like I was doing something I'm supposed to do in the first place. It works out well I suppose.

So it was pyjama day at school today, and I naturally took advantage of the chance of not having to get dressed. One of my friends came up to me in the hallway and he said "I haven't seen one guy wearing PJ's yet."

"Well, you've seen me..?" I said.

There was a pause for a bit, then he said, "Well I said 'guys', so you wouldn't really count."

Author's Note: This chapter was written by me a year ago before I took my super long hiatus (really sorry about that by the way). During that time I've thought a lot about what my gender identity is, and it has evolved since the last time I talked to you guys. Currently, I do still identify as non-binary, however pronouns aren't as much of a concern to me anymore. My current boyfriend uses she/her to address me, and it doesn't bother me as much as it would have a year ago. I've grown to realize that my experience of being non-binary is different from everyone else's, that pronouns don't have to matter to me and they don't have to hurt me. This doesn't mean that pronouns don't matter to every non-binary or trans* person, they obviously do, so everybody should be kind enough to accept and use the pronouns that the individual wants to be used. This has been a long time without an update, so I'm hoping to get back to writing more and sharing more experiences with you guys, however a lot of the ones in the next few chapters are going to be from the year in between now and then. I have been reading the comments and I love hearing stories from other's lives, so please, feel free to share your experiences in the comments. I may start including stories from the comments to supplement my year-old memories, so let me know if that's something you want me to do. Anyways, I hope you all have a wonderful day and I can't wait to get back into it.