Diary of a Non-Binary

Part Twenty-One

I like how things are working out. When I started writing this, the numbers of my tally marks were way too high for me to even look at them. So far, my hand's been clean for about three days now. I may have a few more scars from my worst times, but they're healing, slowly but surely. I find I'm able to see things brighter and clearer now than back then. Even if people try to piss me off, I don't really give a shit anyways. I cry less, and hey, I've even been able to take showers with the lights on again. Once I've realized that there really isn't anything I can do about my body, my dysphoria's gotten a lot better. I think I can handle this pretty well.

I like being able to talk about things that people generally wouldn't talk about. Things that just aren't normal. Things like gender, sexuality, and sex. I don't even get why those things are so taboo in the first place. And the thing is, when these things aren't talked about openly, they have to go looking for them, and they won't know if any source is reliable. Well I'm obviously not the best person to talk about that kind of stuff, if anyone were to ask, I would give them my honest, uncensored opinion. I've never seen any reason for it to be hidden.

One thing I haven't quite figured out yet is how to ask my parents to buy me a chest binder. I tend to find myself looking up online where I can buy them and things like that a lot, so I know that places like Underworks and GC2b are supposed to be reliable, but I haven't gotten around to asking for one. Well, that would be lying, I've asked maybe once, but my mom is just concerned that it could injure me in some way, which is a reasonable concern. I'm trying not to be rude to my parents, at least I can do that, even if they're not willing to do the same for me. I don't feel I have to respect them, just because they are my parents, but I know that not giving them respect could get me in trouble. I suppose I'll just have to muster the courage to ask them, even though it probably won't get me anywhere. I know it'll be good for me to have one, so hopefully I can get that message across to them.