"Have you eve took a blade to your wrist?
Have you been skipping meals?
We're going to try something new today,
how does that make you feel?"
Bring Me The Horizon, Hospital For Souls
****
Ace,
I sometimes think Alice is lying when she tells me she cares. So I have to write it down a lot to make sure it registers. She cares, someone cares, my sister cares for me. I started with that because I wanted to get the last of it out there, The last of me exposing myself because even if it is just to a book that no one will ever read, I still feel vulnerable and I don't like this feeling. It makes me uncomfortable and it feels like everyone's staring when no one is paying attention and it's hard to explain but the feeling is not good. So I'm pushing my feeling under a mask.
The weather was nice today.
Was it nice up there, too?
You don't have to answer that, I guess I just ran out of things to talk about. I've never used the words I, me, and myself, so many times. I think it's becoming overwhelming. But what else do you talk about in a journal- a guys journal? Crushes? Why set myself up for failure like that? Feelings? They're too overwhelming. Thoughts? That would slowly kill me. But am I not doing that already? Maybe I should just try and listen to some music. It never really was my thing but Mrs. Parker said it might help. She also said that this journal might help and I don't know if she was right about that.
I'll tell you about the music in the next entry, though. It's 6:45 and I'm due in my first class in an hour. I have yet to sleep or shower and I don't think I'm eating today so I have to grab a water on the way, too. I can feel that this day is going to be horrible. That daily feeling that never really surprises me. I'll let you know if I don't get it, though, one day. If that day ever does come, you'll be the only ones to know. And maybe Alice.
I've got to catch you up on my meetings with Mrs.Parker. You haven't missed much but it's nice to tell someone what my reply would've been if I did answer her out loud.
-Daniel
YOU ARE READING
Hello, My Name Is Daniel
Teen FictionDaniel's mom sends him away to a boarding school she believes will help him. Or at least, that's what the doctor told her as she signed the papers after Alice, his sister, brought him to the hospital. Battling depression, faced with neglect, dealing...
