The Currents You Create

Burnt Bridges

EMMA

"Are you okay?" I asked him. He looked tired and had been really quiet over the past few days after that night I found him on the Battery.

"Yeah," He smiled.

I wasn't blind; I knew there was something going on but I decided not to press.

Dan brushed by me and ran into the kitchen, "We better hurry or we'll miss our flight. Then no one will be spending Christmas at home."

"You sure you don't want to come?" Kyle asked for the hundredth time.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Your family probably wouldn't like me bugging in on their Christmas, and I have plans."

Kyle starts, "You wouldn't be-"

Dan suddenly walked back out of the kitchen with his mouth full and swallowed, "This chicken- Can I have some to eat on the way?" He stuffed a handful back in his mouth.

I smiled and almost laughed at him. "Sure. You seem to really like chicken gizzards. Have you ever eaten them before?"

Kyle dropped the luggage in his hands and stopped everything he was doing and Dan just stared at me like a deer in the headlights.

"Gizzards?" Kyle asked.

Dan slowly gulped down his mouthful and forced a scared smile. "What's a Gizzard exactly?"

It suddenly hit me that neither had known what they were eating for snack the past few days.

"It's a part of a bird that has little stones in it to help grind the bird's food. The stones are removed before the gizzard is fried though. Did you not know what you were eating?" I bursted out laughing as Dan's face drained of all colour. "I shouldn't have told you. You would have never known. Yeah, you can take them if you want."

Dan looked to Kyle like a kid who has been tricked into painting a fence. I turn to Kyle who was mouthing the words, "Take it anyway."

"If you're not going to eat them, I will. Leave them here." I said mildly disappointed that Dan had loved the gizzards so much until he found out what they were.

Kyle smiles at me in attempt to make me happier.

"It's fine- really." I say as I grab a bag and help carry it to the car.

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"What would you do if your son was at home,

Crying all alone on the bedroom floor 'cause he's hungry?"

~ What Would You Do, Bastille

"So," She sits in silent on the couch looking me over.

"So," I respond unsure of what I'm even doing here.

"What's happened since I saw you last?"

I look out the kitchen bay window and the Christmas garland draped around its borders to the rope hanging from the tree that once supported Seth's swing.

What should I tell her? Why am I even here?

My eyes filled at the thought of her betraying me. I turned to face her and set my jaw as I tried to read her expressionless face.

"A lot has happened since we last spoke, Mother." My eyes began shedding tears and I frantically started wiping them away.

"After I left, I found out I was having twins. The doctors told me my cancer's terminal..." I pause and stared at my hands. "I got married."

She gasped. "What? I don't understand. You got married?!"

I looked deep into her eyes before speaking, "Mom! Does it mean nothing to you that I had children or that I could die any month? Is it so hard to believe I could get married? Am I that repulsive to you that you think I would die alone?"

Her shock turned into an icy stare. "No, I was just surprised you would get married so soon after what that Kevin guy-"

"I married him," I interrupted.

Her mouth fell open.

"What else was I supposed to do? You put me out on the street for what he did to me."

"I had just lost everything and my world was falling apart when your father died," she isn't finished but I began anyway.

"Your world was falling apart? What about me? I went through hell with Kyle. I came home to find my Dad died. After I drove myself sick preparing the funeral on my own, I discovered that Dad left us over a hundred thousand dollars in debt that I had to figure out how to pay. Then I found out I had cancer and was pregnant. To make matters worse you kicked me out of your life. And you- and you- we both lost Dad. The only difference was the rest of my life was crumbling unlike yours. You were all I had. You had Eric. You had the doctors' wives in the neighborhood. You had Becky's mother... I had no one else."

"But why your very own rapist?!" she almost screamed.

"Because Kyle was man enough to stand up to his actions and take responsibility. Because I had no one and I was drowning in debt. Because I was pregnant with two children whom would be left out in the cold if I didn't figure out something."

"But what you said he did to you-"

"He did it. It's horrifying to realize that my own mother would think I would be capable of falsely accusing a man of rape, or even leave her daughter out in the cold for being violated. I hardly ever see him because he travels for work... He's come a long way since then and as far as I can see, he has come farther than you have."

She looked at me as if she didn't understand then she stood up and walked a few feet away facing the kitchen sink. She put her weight on the sink supported with her wrists, "Emma I was wrong to kick you out... but you have to see it from my point of view. I had just lost my husband and my daughter claimed that she had been raped but wouldn't press charges. It seemed to me that when I told your father it was the thing that killed him. I felt like it was your fault and I still don't know what to think."

"You know what, Mom? If Kyle had not admitted that he raped me, if Kyle had instead said it was just rough consensual sex, then maybe you would have had a reason to think that. But you don't, and you never did have a bonafide reason."

"Why are you here, Emma?" she asked after a long break of silence. She turned around and faced me.

I felt the sting of knowing my mother still resented me, after all this time. I swallowed and stood to go.

"I came here to tell you I forgave you. I came here to move on with my life. I thought we could patch this up. I guess I was wrong."

I walked out the front door and closed it slowly behind me before I got in my car and drove back to Charleston, South Carolina.