The Currents You Create

Echoes

KYLE

"Go row the boat to safer grounds, but don't you know we're stronger now.

My heart still beats and my skin still feels; my lungs still breathe, my mind still fears,

But we're running out of time. Oh, the echoes in my mind cry."~Running With the Wolves, Aurora.

Emma was very modest when I first met her, but after the rape she became almost overly modest. She always wore skirt that came below her knee and shirts that had at least short sleeves. She never showed any portion of her chest, shoulders, or back and she never wore pants or shorts of any sort.

Tonight she wasn't wearing her typically overly modest clothes, but a spaghetti strap tank top exposing flesh that I had only seen on the cruse when we met. She also still wore her usual length jean skirt.

 I gazed at her reflection in the mirror from behind. Her eyes were closed and her face was void of all emotion, but a single tear slid down her cheek and fell onto the bathroom sink.  

The skin on her shoulder blades, back, chest, and arms was covered in goose bumps and she was shaking. With each inhale, her clavicle's shape enhanced then sunk back beneath her fair skin.

I knew she was still afraid of me; she never shook so much unless we were alone, as we were then.

I brushed her goldish, auburn hair to her back.

"Are you ready?" I breathed.

"Yes."

She opened her eyes and watched me through the mirror as I flipped the switch on the razor. The buzz of the shears began and she inhaled deeply before I began.

In my peripheral vision I could see her thick long locks of hair fall to our feet. Her scalp showed itself and when I got to her left side of her head I pulled back the rest of her hair to shave it.

With every lock I resented that she had to lose her beautiful hair to this cancer. It's just another thing to add to the list of grievances Emma will hate me for.

When I was finished I brushed away some hair from her shoulders and then I saw it. Scars resembling a bite mark as clear as day resided on her neck.

It was like the gravity of what I had done to Emma hit me right in the chest and I lost it.

EMMA

I witnessed him lose his composer once he saw my scar. He stepped back and began to breath deeper than afore. He looked from the scar back to me through the mirror and when our eyes met he shook his head and turned around as if it was painful to look at me.

"I did that to you? Oh my God. What kind of animal am I?"

He didn't even wait for my response before he was gone. He didn't stop to close the door behind him. He just left. I went to the window and I could see Kyle get in Dan's rental car and peal out of the drive way.

"Is everything okay?" Dan asked from the couch as he pulled out his earphones so he could hear my response.

"I don't know."

I realized what I was wearing and went back to the bathroom to shower and dress. I set my new wig on my head and walked into the living room. I grabbed my keys and gave Will charge of the twins; he always portrayed himself the wisest of the four, so I felt like I had no choice but to trust him to keep an eye on the boys.

I sat in the car and rang Kyle rendering no response. I put the car in reverse and just drove.

I don't know Kyle enough to know where he would go or what he might do, but I have to find him.

I had no idea what Kyle had actually been thinking or feeling over the past year.

KYLE

"I walked a minute in your shoes, they never would've fit
I figured there's nothing to lose, I need to get some perspective on these words before I write them down
You're an island and my ship has run aground ."~ All We Are, One Republic

I pulled out one of the bottles of liquor and chugged it. It was convenient store liquor but it served a purpose and soon I was finding my cognitive abilities were slowing. I walked from Dan's car and strolled passed a fountain that looked like a giant pineapple.

Downtown Charleston is beautiful, even at night.

I continued walking and found my way down the Battery to a pier where I sat on a bench swing and drank. A few people walked past to look over the reflection of the moon in the water. A man walked by and asked if I was okay.

"I'll be fine. Thanks," I continued to drink directly from the bottle.

My fears of myself- of what I had done- of what I was doing- began devour me.

I knew what I had done to Emma had affected her more than I had originally thought, but there was something else tormenting me. It wasn't just that I had hurt her and she would never trust another man again.

I thought to the day before when we were in Publix grocery. When a random man accidently ran into her, I was at the other end of the aisle but I could still see her petrified look in her eyes as she turned around before she realized all was an accident.

She won't ever trust another soul in her life again. It's hard enough to get her to leave the boys with one of Bastille, but that's not it.

That's not what I'm afraid of...