The Currents You Create

Stare

KYLE

"Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared

But I've become what I can't be"~ Stop and Stare, One Republic

I starred at Emma as she sat patiently on the hospital bed. Today was one of the first times I'd seen her wear makeup since the cruse. Her thick, loosely curled strands of hair lie on her shoulders and just barely fell beneath. Her greenish hazel eyes looked through the doors to nurses and patients walking in the hall as she fiddled with the IV in her arm.

My mind began to wonder over the last year and things that happened after I met Emma.

I wonder how much she thinks about it. Would she ever forgive me if she survives this? How will Patrick and Nathan grow up if she doesn't make it? How am I supposed to tell them how she died- what I did to their mother? What have I become?

Feelings of regret filled my thoughts.

Emma looked at me and found me staring. I looked away and then back to her. She seemed suddenly uncomfortable in my presence.

"Sorry. I just- I've never seen such thick hair before. It's like twice the normal amount for a normal person. Dan has nothing on you."

Her oblivious stare turned stone cold with a hint of disappointment.

"Unfortunately, I have to shave it," she said still looking through the door.

"What do you mean?" I said right before I remembered an adverse effect of chemo is hair loss.

"I mean... Sorry, I wasn't thinking," I followed up on myself. "You can always wear a wig though..."

She turned her gaze to me and as if she didn't even notice my last statements she asked, "Would you do it with me?"

"Do what?" I asked.

"Would you help me shave it?"

"Sure- If you want, I'll be glad to help anyway possible."

She forced a smile, "Thanks, Kyle."

EMMA

"Oh, all that I know, There's nothing here to run from,

Cos yeah, everybody here's got somebody to lean on"~ Panic, Coldplay

After chemo I felt horrible. I desired death and the "cons" of the cancer treatment gave me extreme discomfort.

As Kyle drove us home, I felt a nausea I had never experienced afore. I was so tired, but my nausea sought to it that I couldn't rest. Kyle seemed to notice and queried if he could get me anything.

"Are you okay? You look leprechaun green," He chuckled at his humor.

"No, my stomach is just feeling unpleasant," I alleged as I contorted to a less painful position for my stomach.

"Hmm. Sorry about that."

A silence that wasn't altogether uncomfortable fell as he drove us back to the house.

When we reached the drive way and parked, Kyle walked over to my side and helped me out before supporting me as we walked inside.

"Hey. I made some tea. The Woody and Dan went down town," Will spoke from the kitchen as he brought cup of hot tea towards me.

"Hey, Will," Kyle said as he helped me to the couch.

The thought of hot tea was such a turn off for me at the moment but I took it and thanked him. I brought it to my nose, but the usually refreshing smell of the white tea made me gag, and I dropped the cup before stumbling to the bathroom.

I threw up as I tried to pull my hair back from my face. My knees buckled and I began to fall. Suddenly, Kyle was there holding me up at the waste while he helped pull my hair back.

I released a sob as I held my head and tried to breathe.

"Sh... It's okay," He said as he handed me a fresh hand towel with which to wipe my face.

"Thank you," I managed.

"Do you think you're finished?" He tested.

"Yeah."

He raised me to my normal height and virtually carried me to my bed.

"Do you need anything?" Will peaked his head through the door.

"Water and my purse, please," I whispered.

He ducked out and I could hear him drawing tap water.

Kyle looked over me with a worried expression, "Could this be a combination of chemo and something like a cold or flu?"

"I don't know. Maybe," I turned over on my side.

Will came back in and handed me some lukewarm water. He gave Kyle my pocketbook, before leaving.

"Could you get some Oxycodone out of there? I just need one."

Kyle shifted through the purse and exposed my pill bottle, before he gave one tablet.

"Thank you, Kyle. I'm afraid I have insulted Will's tea making abilities. Tell him I'm sorry, will you? And thank him too."

"I will. Just call me if you need something," he said before leaving me to slumber.