The Untold Story (Demi Lovato Fan Fiction)

13 - Old Ways

~~~TRIGGER WARNING~~~ (sorry)

Roxii's POV:

I ran up to my room after not finishing lunch because I just needed to be by myself. I was upset that because of a stupid little prank that I got in so much trouble for, I couldn't go to Australia. Once in my room, I shut the door and locked it behind me. I jumped onto my bed, burying my head in the mountain of pillows and crying out in anger. It just wasn't fair. 

After crying for a while, I couldn't feel anymore. I was so numb. I sat up in bed, picking at my cuticles again, jesus, this is a bad habit. After sitting there cross-legged for a while, I still couldn't feel. I was so confused in what I was feeling. Was I happy? Was I depressed? I was a mess, that's all I knew. I felt myself get up and walk to the bathroom like I was on auto-drive and shut the en-suite bathroom, locking that door behind me too.  I automatically opened the top draw which had my spare blades for my shaving razor in it. I grasped it for a short while, inspecting it carefully. It was a fresh one.. The one Bree gave me as a little joke. That brown paper bag with the laxatives, razor blades and condoms. The brown paper bag that I had not utilized yet. Maybe I should start using that stuff. After all, I am just a fat, slutty failure of a daughter. My parents didn't even want me! That's why they sent me to live with my grandparents for 10 years or so!

I threw the razor refills to the ground violently, watching the plastic bits smash all over the floor, releasing the 5 small, shiny metal pieces that I had grown to love over the past years. It was my coping skills. 

I bent down, picking up one of the 5 shiny metal pieces and playing with it between my fingers, watching the light reflect off it's edges. I made myself comfortable against the edge of the bathtub, continuing to play with my new blade.  

I contemplated this, was I going to start again? Hell yeah I was! Who the fuck cares, I thought to myself. I rolled down the sleeve to my sweatshirt, revealing the scared underside of my wrist to the light. I inspected the tiny white lines on my wrist, not caring that I was diving right back into this world. 

I brought the blade to my wrist, siting the edge against my skin, but not applying any pressure. I sat there for a while in a trans, I just stared off into the distance, with my mind blank. I then applied pressure from my fingers that transmitted to the blade, pressing down and sliding across, letting the blood bubble up, then drip down my forearm. I continued this 4 more times until my wrist wrist was painted red and I was satisfied. 

I got up from my place, washed off my blade, then my arm. I applied pressure to my arm under the water to stop the bleeding. Something grandma Diana had told me to do when I was 8 and cut my toe open on a piece of glass whilst walking to my friends place. Once I was sure that I was done bleeding, I dried my arm off with the large brown towel on the towel rack, and slid my sleeve back down, leaving the bathroom feeling satisfied. 

Once back in my room, I grabbed a piece of tape from my makeup kit and stuck my blades to the underside of the vanity set, mom would never find it there. I returned to my position on my bed and scrolled through tumblr, reblogging some depressing things on my anonymous account that nobody knew about. This was my life.. constant secrets and privacy.

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Tell me what you thought!!!

I've been getting so ahead with my writing, mainly because it is the weekend and there is nothing to do besides my chores, baking and updating my story. I have a few chapters that I will release during the week so when you read this it won't be the weekend. Sorry I'm on a tangent again!!

Love you all 

<3