Tell Me A Lie

Chapter 34

     I was washing the dishes. My hands were rubbing into the plates a bit too hard, but I barely noticed that as the word depression kept tumbling around in my mimd. No matter how hard I tried not to think about the word, it somehow fought its way to the front of my mind.

     The truth was, I had this deep, dark feeling that I was just being stubborn. I was just swiping away the thought of depression because of the negative stigma I had attached to it, even though I shouldn't be. I should be taking it in, accepting it, because every sign pointed to me. As much as I tried to think otherwise, having depression made sense.

    I had spent most of my life wishing for death. At one point I had even prayed for it because I wanted it that badly. I wanted out. Out from my overwhelming misery and cruel life. All this time I just thought it was me being realistic, but with Jai bringing up depression, I had a sinking feeling it was more. Something that needed fixing.

    I put the plate I'd been washing away, slamming it as hard as I dared into the drying rack. My hands were trembling as I reached for the next plate, knowing this couldn't be true. I couldn't be depressed. I didn't have an illness.

    What was I so scared of, I wondered as I scrubbed the plate. The water hitting my hand was warm and suddenly I ached for Jai's cold hand. I wanted him here with me and even if I had been mad at him for what he said, he was still all I ever wanted and needed.

    But before we would speak, Jai wanted me to stop being in denial. I wanted him too, knowing if I was supposedly depressed, so was he. We were both miserable and fucked up, and if that meant depression, then we both had it.

     We were both an illness, I thought miserably. We were those characters on televisions, moping about everything. Harming themselves and adding more pain into their lives, when they had enough. I hated the idea of that.

    Grumbling to myself, I put the plate away. I then grabbed a paper towel and began to dry each plate I washed. Stacking them into a pile, I lifted them up as I went to put them away. My hands were still trembling at my thoughts, but I was glad to know I could soon go back to my room.

     When I neared the cupboard, my dad suddenly roared, "Scarlett!"

    Surprised by the sudden outburst, I jumped. My hands let go of the plates and they crashed down in front of my feet, shattering into a million pieces. I jumped at that too and my eyes then widened as I looked down and saw the mess I created. Oh no.

    Stomps came my way and I spun around to see my dad charging at me. His eyes were hard and wild, rage consuming them. It had been a while since I'd seen him like this, so I stepped back in fear. My feet landed on a shard of glass and I winced as it stabbed me. Blood trickled down the sole of my foot, but I didn't notice it as my dad grabbed my hair.

    "Stupid fucking child!" he roared. "Look what you've done!"

    Yanking my hair, he threw me onto the ground. Luckily I landed away from the glass, but my scalp stung at the force. My heart was also pounding as I remembered the last time he abused me physically. I couldn't believe this was happening again.

"You can't do anything right!" he shouted, kicking me in the stomach. "Piece of shit!"

I gasped as the wind was knocked out of me. My eyes went wide and tears pooled into them as the pain was searing. This was embarrassing and I wished he stuck to yelling at me. It didn't make me feel helpless like this.

My dad kicked me again in the stomach, and I gagged, feeling nausea hit me. As I wrapped my arms around my stomach protectively, he then kicked me in face. Blinding pain flooded into me and I groaned. It was all too much.

"Dad, stop," I begged. "Please."

I hated begging. Never wanted to beg my dad, but I had to. This was all too much.

"Shut up!" he snapped, kicking my leg as I curled up on the ground.

"Please!" I begged, gasping for breath. "Please stop!"

He bent forward and grabbed my hair, yanking me up. I yelped as he dragged me into sitting position, so that I was facing him. His face expressed a hatred so pure and evil that I shivered. This could be the end.

"I will never stop," he hissed, bringing his face close to mine. "I will never stop hurting you, okay?"

I whimpered and closed my eyes, knowing I couldn't cry. Not again. Not when he would see me and enjoy it.

"You hear that?" he growled. "As long as you're alive I'll make you suffer for your pitiful existence."

I didn't reply to that as I shuddered, knowing he was being honest. The very thought of that made a pit of fear bloom in my stomach and I was shaking, knowing this was my life. A life filled with pain, fear, and everything bad in this world. Once again, I wished my life was a lie.

Suddenly, my dad let go of my hair. I dropped to the ground and lay there, even as he stomped away. Shocked he let me be, I stayed where I was, waiting to see if this was some sick joke.

    After five minutes of lying on the ground in pain, I finally pulled myself up. Standing up, I felt my stomach ache with a pain so incredible I hunched forward to lessen it. I then dragged myself upstairs and to my room.

    Once in my room, I closed the door behind me and took a deep breath in. That hurt a lot, but the physical pain wasn't the first thing on my mind right now. As I limped to my bed, my dad's words were all I could think about.

Sitting at the ledge of my bed, I stared out my window. My lip trembled as I thought my dad's words. He would always hurt me. For as long as I was alive, he would always be hurting me. The sudden thought of that was unbearable and with my whole body in so much pain, my eyes teared up. I couldn't do this anymore.

I didn't want to do this anymore, I thought as I stared out the window. My body was trembling and my dark thoughts began to consume my mind. With my eyes on my window, I thought about going to it. Jumping from it and landing on hard ground, creating a certain death for me. That sounded perfect. Right now, it was a dream come true.

Numbly, I stood up. I was still shaking and I knew this was the only was to stop my suffering. This was the only way to make sure my dad would never hurt me again. I stepped forward, knowing this was it.

But suddenly, a figure appeared in front of my already opened window. He stepped inside and I registered it was Jai through my blurred vision. Jai frowned as he saw me and with that, I broke down as I realized what I was about to do.