Tell Me A Lie

Chapter 23

     A smile was on my face as I finished shading in my drawing. As I straightened up and admired my art work, my smile grew. It was stunning and I loved every bit of it. Especially because it involved Jai.

    The drawing of Jai and I was finally finished. With my shading, everything looked incredibly realistic. The trees along the pathway in front of us were dark and not as detailed, but the path and Jai and I were light and filled with detail. That was because I wanted to emphasize the path to a new life.

    Obviously I doubted there was a good life for me, but I yearned for it. I wanted it so bad because Jai showed me the good aspects of life. He showed me how to laugh and talk and enjoy my day, which was something that used to be foreign to me until he came along. That made me hope that slowly, those things would be something I was accustomed to with him a constant in my life.

     Thinking about home suddenly, I thought about my parents who still acted like nothing happened. I didn't understand why and what their intentions were with that, but I decided to go with the flow. I was still cautious since last time they seemed okay and then they snapped at me, but I felt a lot safer. That was all I needed as for now.

     Staring at Jai in the drawing, I didn't notice the presence beside me. That was until he spoke.

     "You have a real talent," Jared said, whistling.

     I looked to my side and saw him standing there. He was smiling a genuine smile and my heart lightened, touched by the compliment. But then, I remembered the dance.

     I was mad at him. Incredibly mad at him because he had tried to solve my issues as if they were so simple. Thinking positive so that positivity would come to you was such a stupid quote. Life wasn't that simple and because I thought Jared was so wise, I was disappointed he was ignorant enough to think that.

     "Thanks," I replied, forcing a smile.

     "Long time no see," he said. 

     "Yeah..."

     "Where did you go?" he asked. "The day of the dance? I was looking for you and I couldn't find you."

      "I went home with Jai," I answered honestly. "I told you I wasn't in a good mood."

     "I know." His eyes softened. "But you know, partying might have helped. Having fun makes you forget, I believe."    

     I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Jared really thought life was so simple.

      "Scar... What happened?" he asked, sounding offended.

     "Why do you call me that?" I asked, ignoring th question.    

      I really didn't like that nickname. Probably because of The Lion King, and because it made me feel like I was a wound that was healing. That idea made me feel uneasy.

     "It's cute, don't you think?" he asked, eyes gleaming with amusement suddenly.

     I didn't answer, not wanting to offend him. I was also stunned by how fast his emotions could change. One second he was offended, and then the next he was amused.

     "Honestly Scarlett, what happened?" he asked, his smile falling. "You're treating me differently."

     "What do you mean?" I asked innocently.

      His eyebrows rose as if to ask really. I smiled sheepishly, unsure of what to say. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Jared, but he didn't seem to understand that I don't do people. I didn't like making friends, which meant he needed to get out of my life.

     "Are you mad?" Jared asked, surprise crossing his features.

      "No." I sighed, knowing I needed to rip the bandaid off. "I'm not, but Jared. I-"

     "Look," Jared cut in. "I'm sorry. I could tell you were mad at me at the dance and I didn't know why so it took me this long to apologize. I should have apologized and said sorry earlier, but... I don't know. Scarlett, please forgive me."

     Jared's voice was pleading. His eyes were also pleading and guilt filled my heart, knowing I had to do something now. Something I should have done a long time ago.

     "Jared, I'm not mad anymore," I said honestly, eyes softening as I saw Jared relax. "But, you need to realize something."

     Jared tensed up. "What?"

     "We were never supposed to become... Almost friends. We were just supposed to be classmates who talked occasionally, but I gave you this false hope that we could be something more. Friends and even maybe beyond that, and I'm deeply sorry for that, but I have to ask you to stop talking to me."

      His face dropped and I knew I was a horrible person. I didn't try to be, but this was definitely my fault. I had hurt Jared by creating some sort of bond with him and then crushing it. That was one of the worst things someone could do, but I knew it was the right thing to do. For the both of us, it was.

     "What?" Jared asked, speechless. "I... I don't understand."

     "Jared, I'm not the type of person who makes friends. I'm... Like a lone wolf." My eyes softened as I hope he'd understand. "Before either of us really gets hurt, I'm telling you to stop talking to me."

     He was speechless and that was definitely a first. Staring at Jared who suddenly looked pale, I wondered how I got to this position. It was a first and I was now learning from my mistake.

     "You're friends with Jai though," Jared finally said. "Why him and not me?"

     "Jai's... Different," I said hesitantly, feeling myself flushing at the very thought of him. "We understand each other like no one else ever could."

     "I could too. If only you'd open up more."

     Guilt filled me at those words, knowing I had said similar words to Jai. But Jai and I were different. We had this connection and understanding only pain could create. From Jared's positive attitude about life, I knew he couldn't understand me. Just like at the dance, he didn't understand the depths of being fucked up. Admittedly, it wasn't something I wanted people to understand.

     "I'm sorry Jared," I said, genuinely meaning it. "But you don't want to know me. Trust me when I say I'm doing you a favour."

     Jared shook his head vigorously, still looking surprised. I didn't know why he was. We were never close to begin with and everyone could tell what kind of person I was. Someone who kept their distance from people, knowing it was better for the both of us.    

      "Come on, Scar," he pleaded, staring at me with sad eyes. "You were my first friend here. That means something to me and I'm not letting you go."   

     "You should because it means nothing to me," I said flatly. "Jared, listen to me. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want you anywhere near me anymore."

     I was surprise by the venom in my voice as I said those words. Jared was as well and I nearly apologized, but I withheld myself. He needed to realize that I was no good for him. Only then, he would leave.

     Eventually, Jared said, "Fine. I'll stop talking to you."

     His words surprised me and staring at him, I felt this urge to touch him. Not because I would miss him or anything, but to apologize for what I had done. I had created some sort of bond and destroyed it out of the blue. The guilt of that thought was killing me.

     Jared turned around after staring at me for a bit, and began to walk off. He looked stiff and for someone who was always so relaxedes, that worried me.

     So, I said, "I'm sorry."

     I saw him freeze for a millisecond, but then he kept walking. That was for the best and as he left, I returned to my drawing. As much as I felt guilty, I also never felt more relieved in my life.