Tell Me A Lie

Chapter 4

I remembered why I hated having good days. Whenever I did have a 'good day' it was soon followed by a horrible one that would crush my soul. A day where everything would hit me harder because after getting a taste of some sort of happiness, the sadness would only hurt more. Especially because I knew my life only consisted of depressing days.

I tried to plug out the voices of my parents fighting downstairs, but I couldn't. Even as I covered my ears with my hands, their voices were loud and clear to me. Loud and clear as they threatened to kill each other.

I did hate my parents. A lot, too. But for some reason, I hated hearing them fight. It was probably that sad child part of me who felt like parents shouldn't be like this. They should love and support each other, and my parents did neither half of the time. I didn't understand why neither one of them left the other because of that.

"Blake, I hope you rot in hell!" I heard my mom scream, even with my hands covering my ears.

"See you down there then!" my dad shouted back.

I flinched at their tones. They sounded like they wanted to kill each other. I had a feeling if it were legal, they would. Sometimes my parents were okay with each other, but sometimes they despised each other. So much that it made me fear for their lives here and there.

Not hearing a sound for a bit, I took my hands off of my ears. It was silent and I found myself relaxing. Putting a hand on my chest, I realized how scared I'd been. I shuddered at that realization, wondering why I was scared for myself - not them.

Then I realized why as I heard footsteps thudding their way up the stairs and to my room. I couldn't breathe as I knew what would happen soon.

Soon the door to my room flew open. My eyes widened as my dad stepped in with wild eyes. His eyes were red and his body was slumping against the wall nearby, so I knew he was drunk. That was definitely not good sign.

"Scarlett!" he shouted despite our closeness. "You're so useless!"

I flinched and tried to tell myself to ignore what he said. That worked, but I couldn't help but feel my heart drop. Not because of what he said, but because of something else.

"You're so ugly just sitting there." He laughed to himself. "No wonder your mom's always so mad. She gave birth to you."

He kept laughing and I took a deep breath in, trying to calm myself. This was so unfair. Everytime I got a touch of something good in life, it was soon wrecked by something. Something that was usually my parents.

"What do you want?" I asked, wanting him to leave me alone.

"I wanted an abortion, but your mom refused." He shook his head, his eyes hardening. "She regrets it now"

My face paled and my stomach twisted. These were the only words that ever hurt me. The words agreeing with my mind that I shouldn't be alive. Taking in a deep breath, I tried to tell myself my parents were just assholes.

"Pathetic," my dad finally spat, turning around.

As he walked off, I exhaled in relief. I then closed my eyes and told myself to never feel anything close to happiness again. If I did, hell would be thrown my way.

*****

Jai and I were sitting on our favourite bench during lunch time. He was smoking as usual and I was holding my sandwich. I was staring at it, not in the mood to eat it after the events of yesterday.

My parents were such assholes. I hoped the both of them rotted in hell together. That was where they were meant to be anyways. Together in hell with their hideously tainted hearts.

"Easy there Scarlett," Jai suddenly said, surprised. "You're hurting your poor sandwich."

Zoning back in, my eyes widened as I noticed that I had punctured my sandwich with my fingers. I had been suffocating if with my rage without realizing it, which made me sigh. My parents were making me lose my mind, I thought as I dropped my sandwich back into its container.

"You're not hungry?" Jai asked, raising an eyebrow as he took a puff of his cigarette.

"No." I shook my head. "I'm not."

He stared at me with his green eyes for a bit, and I stared back. The memory of the day we spent at the roller rink flooded into my mind, and I quickly pushed the memory away. Memories like those hurt the most. Knowing that happiness existed but you could never have it hurt, so I tried to keep myself consistent with how I felt. That feeling was nothing. I felt nothing for this world we lived in.

Suddenly, Jai put a hand on my head. I frowned as he began to gently pat my head in a way that was almost comforting. This sort of touch wasn't something Jai usually did, so I was confused.

"What are you doing?" I asked, frowning.

"I'm sorry." He smiled sadly. "That's all."

As Jai stared at me with his sad smile, I knew he understood. With his eyes so sad and understanding, he understood what it was like to be me. This was why I became his friend in the first place. He understood like no one else could.

"Jai, can I ask you a question?" I asked, feeling the warmth of Jai's fingers suddenly on my scalp.

Gently, he ran his fingers through my hair and something about his touch had me relaxing. The anger I felt had completely vanished now, and all I wanted to do was talk to this boy.

"Of course sweetheart." Jai smiled. "Ask me anything."

Ask me anything. My heart skipped a beat as I realized I had the opportunity to ask him about his life. I could finally find out why he was fucked up, and that was something I had always wanted to know.

But looking at him smiling so gently at me, I knew I shouldn't bring up that dark topic. There was a time and place for everything, and this was definitely not the time to learn his life story. So, I decided to go back to what I originally wanted to ask him.

"Do you have dreams?" I asked.

"Dreams?" He looked surprised.

I nodded, eager to know his answer. My own answer was simple due to being fucked up, so I wondered if we could relate.

"No," Jai answered. "I could care less about the future."

I laughed bitterly. "Same. I love how much we can relate to each other."

Jai suddenly froze. He took his hand out of my hair and surprisingly, I felt empty without him touching me. So frowning at him, I wondered what happened.

"You know what?" Jai said.

I frowned. "What?"

"I don't like how relatable we are." Jai shook his head. "I hate it."

To my surprise, his words hurt. They felt like a slap and suddenly I wanted to move away from him. I couldn't believe he hated the one thing that made our friendship so strong.

Seeing my reaction, he said, "It makes me so fucking sad that we can relate. That's why, Scarlett."

As Jai then stared at me with those serious eyes that he rarely used, I knew what he meant. I understood what he meant clearly, actually. No one deserved to feel the way we did, and suddenly I felt selfish.