I don't love

Part 24

Steve's POV

"Bucky, do you remember me?" I asked and he looked up at my face.
"Your moms name was Sarah. You used to wear newspapers in your shoes." Bucky said and I smiled a little. "And you were in love with Peggy Carter. But to the looks of it, some of that has changed." He said and looked over at Natasha who stood a bit away, listening intense to our conversation.
"Natalia?" Bucky asked.
"It's Natasha now." She said as she took a few steps forward and stopped next to me.
"I'm sorry. Your cheek. I didn't know what I was.." Bucky began.
"We know. It's okey." Natasha said and I nodded. Though it pained me, I knew it wasn't his fault.
"You know that I would never hurt you. Neither one of you." He said and I smiled a little.
"I'm so happy to have you back Buck." I said as I took his hand and helped him onto his feet. We gave each other a friendly hug and he smiled.
As he went out of my embrace he looked at Natasha.
"Hug?" He asked and she smirked.
"I think we're good." She said and he nodded seriously.

Since Bucky had literally no where to go, we hid him at our place in the avengers tower. Or my place to be precise. Natasha didn't let anyone in her apartment except for herself, me, Clint and sometimes Pepper.
"It's a nice place you got." Bucky said as he looked around.
"Tony's paying for it all so I can't complain." I said and Bucky looked at me.
"He's that Iron Man guy right?" He asked and I nodded.
"You hungry?" I asked and Bucky raised his shoulders but nodded.
"I'll fix something." I said and Natasha sat down by the kitchen table with a magazine. Bucky looked at her and I figured they had a lot to talk about. So did we, but it was more interesting to hear there conversation.
Natasha changed page in the magazine.
"I really think you should get a haircut." She said to Bucky, still looking at the magazine.
"And I see you kept your red hair." He said as he sat down by the table.
She looked up with a smirk.
"The colour of blood suits me." She said.
"Not anymore clearly." He said as he looked around. I think he meant because she's changed. Become and avenger. A hero.
"Are you saying my hair's ugly?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I don't remember everything. But I do know that I hurt you." Bucky said more seriously and I turned around to be able to see them fully.
"Steve's more upset about it than I am actually." She said as she turned another page. Bucky looked up at me and I raised my shoulders.
"I do know it isn't your fault but you still hurt her.. It's hard." I said.
"I know but I would never hurt her." Bucky said and I nodded.
"No I know." I said with half a smile. "But don't do what you always used to." I said and Bucky laughed.
"What did you always do?" Natasha asked curiously and Bucky looked at her with a smile.
"I stole his girlfriends. Well, not his girlfriends to be précis. But every girl he had an interest in." He said and Natasha laughed.
"So you've always been a big jackass then?" Natasha said and I chuckled.
Bucky nodded and Natasha looked at me.
"Steve, he won't steal me from you. He wouldn't even have the guts to try." Natasha said and I smiled at her.
"Well, I'm pretty sure that if I touched your hand, you'd cut mine of." Bucky said and Natasha looked at him seriously.
"Pretty sure?" She asked before she went back to her magazine and I went back to my cooking.

Natasha's POV

I was a little scared of having Bucky around. I was afraid to tell Steve everything about us. There was so much. So much he didn't know. About us and my past in general. But I didn't know how to break it to him. Bucky slept in Steve's room and we thought about going to my apartment. Steve thought Bucky could use some alone time. I went over to Steve who dried his hands on a kitchen towel after finishing the dishes.
"I need to talk to you." I said and he nodded.
"Yeah, I figured." He said as he wrapped his arm around me and we walked to my apartment.
He sat down on the couch and I sat down slowly.
"Is this about you and Bucky?" He asked and I nodded. "It's fine, I want to hear it. Everything." He said and I raised my eyebrows.
"Well, it all began at a mission I had. It had been two years since I well graduated from the red room and were sent out on a mission. Or more like a assassinate mission. But anyway.. I was introduced to Bucky. He wasn't himself at all times. I don't actually know how much he remembers. But I was told that I had to marry him. I was under a lot of torture and so was he. But I had planned a way to escape long before this. I just couldn't stay. There was.." I stopped a little and looked at Steve.
"I can handle it." He said as he took my hand. I looked down at his hand and smiled a sad smile.
"It was too much for my body or brain to handle. I could barley see a bit of my skin that wasn't red, blue or yellow. And well, the men liked me. Too much. I was kind of thrown around between them." I said as I thought about their hands on my body and the pain I had felt. "But you know, I kind of thought it was normal. That was the only reality I had. But then, well, Bucky was actually the one to show me that this wasn't right. He was the only one I had to lean on. I didn't love him. I want you to know that. I just, I didn't have anyone else." I stopped for a bit and Steve was quiet waiting for me to continue.
"We did sleep together. A few times." I said but Steve didn't react. He probably had that part figured out already.
"He comforted me. A lot. I had always been on my own but now I didn't have to. But when I realised that what I felt for him wasn't love, I had to get away. And I knew that even before. But I, I left him. There. With them. And I really regret it Steve. If I had known, I wouldn't have. But I saw my chance to go and I took it." I finished and he squeezed my hand.
"Thank you for telling me." He said and wiped away a tear from my blue cheek that I didn't know had fallen from my eye. He saw that I was surprised by it and hugged me tight.
"I really hate to hear about your past. But I want to know. And I want you to know that nothing from your past or from anything else will never make me stop loving you." He said and kissed my head. I looked up at him and took a hold of his shirt and dragged him down to kiss my lips.
"You have to talk to him." I said and Steve nodded.
"Yeah I know. But not until tomorrow."

Steve's POV

"Don't." She said as I looked at her bare legs. The stab wounds were many and an awful sight even though they had healed a bit. She sat down beside me on the bed and I carefully dragged my hand over the stab wounds.
"It will barley show in a few months." She said.
"How many times?" I said as I didn't want to count the wounds.
"Seventeen." She said and I started kissing every wound carefully.
"I love you. You know that right?" Natasha said and I smiled at her. I answered with a kiss on her lips and embraced her in a tight hug.
"Don't ever leave." I said in her ear.
"I won't." She said and kissed my hand.