I don't love

Part 15

Steve's POV

"Agent Romanoff." Someone said as they walked through the door. Natasha quickly moved away from me just in time as Agent Hill stepped inside the room.
"Yes?" Natasha said calmly. I tried to act normal.
"Fury needs you in his office."
"Give me a few minutes."
"He wants you now."
"Okey." Natasha said annoyed and Hill walked out of the room.
She turned to me and breathed out heavily.
"I'll see you later." She said and I grabbed her arm as she was about to leave. My whole body got warm but I let her go.
"Yeah." I said as she walked out the room. My eyes followed her and she turned around before walking out, giving me a last glare. She smirked and the door closed, leaving me alone.

Natasha's POV

"I'm sorry? What?" I said surprised.
"What's the issue? It's only ten months?" Nick said while he fixed some items on his desk.
"That's almost a year." I said in shock.
"And it's not something you haven't done before. I'll talk to you later." He said as he waved me out of his office.
I walked out with slow steps. Ten months. He sends me away on a mission for ten months? It's apparently some big drug dealer that needs to be caught. And to no surprise, he's located in Russia. That's why I'm then one to go. No one else's knows that country like I do. The first thing that popped into my mind was Steve. How am I supposed to go ten months without him? How am I supposed to tell him? It's ridiculous how much it hurts just thinking about it. As my thoughts wandered and my heart stung, I bumped into the one person I wanted to avoid.
"Steve.." I said surprised but sad.
"Natasha." He said smirking before he saw my expression. "Are you okey?" He asked caring. I tried to smile. It didn't work.
"Can you meet me at my apartment tonight? I need to talk to you." I asked.
"Sure.. Are you okey?" He asked again.
"I'll see you later." I said as I began walking away from him. It felt like I was going to throw up my heart.
"Natasha?" He shouted after me but I was gone before he had time to run after me.

Steve's POV

I stood outside her door in silence. I was scared. I didn't know what she wanted to tell me but I knew it wasn't good. I prepared for the worst and took a deep breath before I knocked.
"It's open!" I heard her voice from inside and I carefully stepped in.
"Hey handsome." She said as soon as she saw my face.
"Natasha." I said and stepped in. "Are you okey?" I asked for the third time today and she still avoided my question.
"Did you talk to Sam about his wings? He knew I was kidding right?" She said taking a sip of her tea.
"Natasha! For gods sake, answer my question!" I almost shouted at her. She remained untouched and put her cup on the table.
"I'm leaving." She said.
"What?"
"I'm going on a mission." She said, still with the same untouched voice.
"For how long?" I asked, not sure if I actually wanted to know.
She broke our eye contact and looked down at her tea.
"Ten months."
I became quiet. Ten months. Ten months. Ten months. Ten months. It was all there was in my head. Two words. Two completely ordinary words that made my heart crack in a thousand pieces. 
"I'm coming with you." I said.
"No. You're not."
"Yes. I am."
"Steve, you can't. I have to go alone and someone has to take care of the avengers." She said, still looking at her tea.
"When are you going?" I asked scared.
"Tomorrow.." She said facing my eyes. Her voice was normal but her eyes were not.
"Let's go and pack our bags then." I said and began to walk towards her door. She ran up to me and took my arm.
"Steve. I want you to listen. Please." She said and I turned around to face her. She took a deep breath and swallowed hard.
"This is it. This is what I talked about in the graveyard. This is your chance. This is when you leave me." She said, her voice broke into a desperate whisper.
"You know I'm not doing that." I said dead sure of my words.
Natasha smiled a sad smile.
"Yes, you are. I'm asking you to. I'll be gone for a year. Whatever this is, you have to get over it. Get over me and move on. Please."
"Natasha. I want you to listen to me. I'm not leaving you." I said as I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her lips. She hesitated but kissed me back. Her arms wrapped around my neck and after a while of passionated kisses, she pulled away.
"Steve. Stop. Please." She said before I kissed her again. "Steve." I gave her another kiss. "Listen, please." Another one. This went on for a while before she pressed her hands on my chest, punching me backwards.
"I don't want to make this harder than what it already is. We can't do this." She said sadly. My eyes was fixed on hers.
"Natasha, I'm not going to be able to get over you. Don't you understand? It doesn't matter what you tell me. I'll be here when you come back." I said and took a few steps closer to her. She took a few steps back from me.
"I want you to find someone new who deserves you. Don't you see that I just want the best for you? Please Steve. We both know your better of without me. I'll just hurt you." She said upset.
"There's only one thing in the world that could truly break my heart and that's you leaving me." I said with the most honest words ever spoken. "So please, don't." I said as I again took her in my arms and kissed her lips. She didn't hesitate this time but kissed me back. She took out all her anger on me. We moved to her bedroom and continued our passionate kisses there. She took of my t-shirt and kissed my chest as she took of her own clothes at the same time. I looked at her beautiful body and touched her as if I was never to see her again. I refused to let her go. I kissed her hard and pressed her as close as I could to me and she accepted all my attempts to keep her near. At the time, I had no worries. No thought. Only Natasha. The only thing I need.

Natasha's POV

It was late in the night and Steve had fallen asleep with his arms around me. He held me so hard. His hand made his way around my body so perfectly and it was as if he held his most precious thing. I enjoyed his embrace while tears fell down my cheeks. I didn't want to go but I knew I had too. Both for the sake of the mission and for the sake of Steve. I should at least give him a chance to find someone else. To be truly happy. I didn't want to leave him. I didn't want to live a life without his touch and his lips on mine. I didn't want to go. But I had to.
I slowly, slowly went out of his embrace. I was as careful as when you hold a sleeping baby. I did everything with baby steps not to wake him up. When his warm hands had let go of my body, I sat beside him on my bed. I looked at his precious face. Tears ran down my cheeks like a river. I've never loved someone this much. Never.
I looked at his sleeping face. I'll never forget him, but I do hope he'll forget me. I slowly bent down and kissed his lips for long. The familiar warmth rushed through my body again and I didn't want it to end, but it did. I put my mouth close to his ear.
"I'm so sorry, I love you." I whispered as tears fell down on the pillow next to his. I stood up and dressed as quickly I as I could but as silent as a mouse. I grabbed my already packed bag that stood in the corner of the room.
"Please take care of yourself. Please forget me." I whispered before I walked out of the bedroom and closed the door. I ran away, as I always do. But this time, it wasn't for me.

"I want to love you
But if it's not right, what can I do?
Everything will be alright
So baby, get some sleep tonight

Uh, so if tonight turns out to be the last night before you peaced than walked out on me
Let's let it all hang out like a balcony
One last time, the best is what you about to see
So make it worth it tonight
Only know I never meant to hurt you in spite
Love me like you never will again, it's our last time tonight
Forget about the past
Everything will be alright
So baby, get some sleep tonight"

- Marilyn , G-easy