Forever December[2011 Watty Awards]

Forever December: Chapter 22: The Aftermath

*Forever December*

*Chapter 22: The Aftermath*

What did I have to live for anymore? I asked myself that question every time I woke up without Rowan in his crib, which I’d left in the twins’ room. I went a week without eating anything, occasionally drinking something. I didn’t take care of Rian; I left that to my mom and April, because there was no way I could look at her without seeing Rowan’s identical black hair.

Days went by like years and I stayed in bed. Sometimes I sobbed and stared at a recent picture of Rowan, before he’d died. Then there were times when I’d just stare blankly into space. I couldn’t force myself to do anything.

It had been nearly two months since Rowan’s death when April finally put her foot down. She walked up to my room, or maybe she ran, I didn’t know. I heard the knock on the door but I didn’t want to get up, so I let the knocking continue. “Dee?” I heard my sister call my name.

I didn’t lift my head. “December, we need to talk,” she said softly. I was surprised that she was being so nice; she was never nice to me. “I – I need my sister back,” she whispered.

I looked up at the sound of this. “I need my son back.”

April let out a sigh. She lay next to me in my bed so that we were facing one another. “Talk to me, Dee-Dee.”

I simply closed my eyes, laying my head against her chest. “I don’t want to talk about it, though,” I whispered to her. It was true, I didn’t want to talk about my son dying, or how horrible it felt that I let it happen. If he hadn’t gone with Parker that day, things would be different. The fact was, he had gone with Parker, and he was dead.

“I know, sissy, but listen. Things happen in life to wonderful people, ask mom,” April sighed. “Do you know why mom and dad adopted me, Dee?”

I shook my head. “I never thought to ask.”

“When I was seven, my parents were killed right in front of me. It was a car accident as well, but I’d watched it all. I was the only one not injured.” April stared into space. She looked as if she were lost in time. “I never thought that I’d stop having flash backs, Dee, of my parents being killed. My little brother flew through the window because I hadn’t buckled him in like my mom had told me to.”

I stared at her, stunned. Why hadn’t she ever told me this before? “How did you get over it?” I whispered, holding onto her like a little kid.

“I didn’t, that’s the thing. You’ll never get over it, but you’ll learn to move on, Dee-Dee.” April gave me and soft smile. “Don’t ever forget how much I love you, December Turk. You’re my sister, whether by blood or not.” She pulled me into a tight hug.

“Thank you, Ape,” I smiled for once since Rowan had died.

“Now come downstairs…Rian has been crying for ages and I can’t get her to stop.” I frowned. Tomorrow Rian would be four months old...as Rowan would have been as well. I took a deep breath. I was ready to see my daughter, whether it took all of my strength. She needed me.

“Okay. I’m coming.”

We went downstairs, though I was in my pajamas. I didn’t want to go into the baby room, so April went in and brought out a crying little Rian Christine. It was honestly the first time I’d seen her in two months. She had grown even more. Her green eyes were red from the tears. Her arms were flailing as she screamed.

I instantly took her from April, and in response, she instantly stopped crying. She sniffled and looked up at me. I ran my fingers over her cheeks, clearing away the tears. “It’s okay, Ri-Ri, Mommy’s got you,” I whispered to her, gently bouncing her in my arms.

I couldn’t help but smile when she was around. She made me happy, though she also made me sad because of how much she and Rowan looked alike. “I know you miss Rowan, Ri, but he’s not coming back,” I said to her, laying my head against hers as she lay her head against my shoulder. “I wish he was, but he’s not.”

I sat down on the couch, rocking my baby. I was so busy talking to her that I didn’t see my mom, standing in the doorway. I looked at her. “Hey mom.”

Her bleached blonde hair was strung over her shoulders. Her green eyes – whom both Rian and I had inherited – were staring at me. She walked towards me and sat down on the couch. “Hey Dee,” she whispered, reaching to run her fingers through my messy hair.

“Did I ever tell you about when I was fifteen, December?” When I shook my head, she continued, kissing Rian’s head, seeing as she was asleep. “I was once engaged before your father. His name was Simon McDonald. He was the half-brother of your father, actually.” I widened my eyes. My mom had been engaged to dad’s half-brother? How messed up was that?

“I see that look on your face, but it gets worse. When I was fifteen, Simon was killed by my own dad.” I gasped loudly, covering my mouth with my free hand. She nodded. “I started to live with his family, meeting them all, spending time with their butler, Cassian,” she laughed soft enough so Rian didn’t wake up. Cassian was my father’s name.

“But,” she paused, “Simon had also had a twin brother, Keith. Oh, Keith,” she stared into space, like April had, but with a good smile on her lips. “I miss him every day, Dee. He was killed while we were running from my father.”

I thought for a moment. “Mom, were you in love with Keith? Your eyes…they brightened when you said his name.” I liked seeing my mom happy, but her smile faded.

“Yes, December, and I’m ashamed for it. Parker…he looks so much like Keith. The first time I saw him, I cried.” She pulled out a picture from her pocket. I took it and sure enough, Parker looked just like this Keith guy. He had the same color eyes, along with the same hair.

“Wow,” I whispered.

I stood up slowly. April was watching television at the counter. “Mom, will you take her into there? I…I’m too afraid to go in there right now. I’m not ready,” I said quietly.

My mom nodded and took Rian from me. She kissed my forehead. “Oh, December…I’m glad we have you back.” After putting Rian in her crib with her blankie and stuffed horse, my mom came back out. She let out a long sigh and pulled me into a hug. “What would I do without you, December?”