Behind the nerdy appearance

Pathetic

I realize that many of you want the famous couple to be together but... 😏

2 days have passed and I'm still laying in bed sulking. My family has now become suspicious but I won't tell them a thing. My phone is dead and my rooms a big mess.

My hair is a rats nest and I haven't showered for a while. I'm still in the clothes I wore 3 days ago. I hear a knock on my door and the shuffling as whoever it is pushes the door open.

"Amu..." My eyes shoot open and I clutch my covers, pulling them up a little. Why is he here? I wasn't facing the door and I'm glad I don't have to see his face.

"Amu, are you asleep?" He voice sounded so concerned. Like he'd been nothing but worried for me this whole time! What an asshole! I turned to face him, my chin trembling.

"Tadase, please leave..." I mumble weakly. He clenched his hands into fists and stomped over to me. "Quit sulking and get over him already! He only hurts people, if you had listened to me you'd still be happy." He stated.

I stand up and glare at him. "Yeah if I had listened to Ikuto and just stayed home with him I would still be happy!!!" I was screaming by now, good thing nobody is home...

Tadase sighed and stepped back. "You still love him?" He asked. I gasped. "How could you think that!!?" Even though that's what I said it's a lie.

I think I'm still deeply in love with Ikuto... After all he was the first person to ever love me like that...

What am I saying!!? Ikuto doesn't love me! Clearly! Otherwise I wouldn't be in the situation right now! I shook my head. "Leave Tadase!" He opened the door.

"I'm telling you Amu, don't get your hopes up. Once a cheater always a cheater, you can't change him." He then left. I stood there trembling. Ikuto I really miss you but... I can no longer love you!

I collapsed back on my bed, sobbing loudly. "Why did you do this to me!!? Why Ikuto!? Why do I still love you?!! Tell me why!? Why can I not stop imagining you telling me you love me!!?" I cried.

I wiped my tears from my eyes furiously. "Tell me... Tell me why you didn't push her away...." I mumbled. I looked at the clock and noticed school would be at lunch right now.

I huffed a shaky uncertain breath of sobs and laid down willing myself to sleep, for I hadn't been getting much of it.

The next day came and my mother forced me out of bed saying my grades would fall and I wouldn't pass the year. She dressed me and put on my wig before forcing food into my mouth.

Next thing I knew I was at the school gates. I gripped my uniform skirt nervously and took a deep breath. It's just a normal day. You don't know Ikuto. You saw nothing at the amusement park because you were never there!!

I prepped myself and then took my first step. "Oh my gosh! She's back?! What do you think happened? Ikuto hasn't shown up to school for awhile either... They were dating weren't they?! Oh shit here she comes!"

The group of girls scattered as I walked by them. I rolled my eyes, back to being a nobody. Just how I like it. No I didn't like it! I liked being with Ikuto! I liked the way he made me feel special and the way he treated me.

I shook my head to clear it of the unwanted thoughts. I got to my locker and saw Saaya walking toward me. She slammed her hand against my locker, trying to scare me.

I sighed quietly and looked at her, waiting to hear what she had to rant about. She glared at me. "Where's Ikuto-kun!" I turned away from her. "Why should I know I just got back myself." I said softly.

She clenched her hands into fists. "Bitch! You were dating him!! If you truly cared about Ikuto you'd go see him and figure out what the hell is wrong! Maybe that's why he's not coming to school! Because he doesn't want to see you!!"

Her words pierced my heart and stung my chest. It was all too true. Ikuto probably hates me now, running away from him like that and not once did I text him or call him or meet up with him to explain why I just figured he knew why.

He has to know why I mean he was cheating... Wouldn't he just put the pieces together and figure out that I was upset because of that?

I shook my head. "Him and I broke up 4 days ago." I state before trying to do my combination for my locker. Saaya gasped.

"You got the privilege of dating Ikuto Tsukiyomi and you're telling me you dumped him!!!?" She looked at me like I was stupid. 

"I can't believe you!! You really are a bitch that nobody wants around!!" She stormed off. My stomach twisted with guilt and I felt like I was going to throw up.

I knew the situation but to have someone say what I think to my face just makes it hit with a lasting impact of realization.

I knew that I am a horrible person for doing what I did but I also knew why I did it and that because of that I know had distance between them.

I had distance between Ikuto and Utau. Distance between my friends... Even if I didn't like being alone anymore I had to. I can't go through that again!!

Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see who it was only to see Utau and everyone else. Including Ikuto. I thought he hadn't come today?

"Amu! Thank god your alright!! I was worried! What happened?!" She asked, thoroughly concerned. I gulped.

"Um... Look... I've done some thinking and I think you should all just forget about me. It may sound absurd but please just don't argue."

Utau shook her head. "No! Amu! What are you saying!!? Did something happen?!" I glanced around almost wishing Ikuto would help me. My eyes found his and I welded up in tears. He looked absolutely hurt!

"Excuse me!" I dashed away, crying. I ran into the girls bathroom and locked myself in there, sobbing over the sink loudly. I still can't face Ikuto. How pathetic!