Me & My Toyboy [Complete]

EIGHT

"Look into my eyes and say you want me too, like I want you..."
~Ross Copperman, Hunger

The sex was amazing to say the least. I wasn't as mentally prepared as I should have been though because I didn't losen up my body and surrender myself completely to Adam. Ofcourse he didn't sense it. He didn't know me well enough yet.

But he left too soon. He should have stayed with me naked in bed for a little while, just lying in each others arms. The fact that he didn't, after our first time, reminded me that this was not a love-affair. Friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. What ever you want to call it. But we were not lovers. I was not Adam's girlfriend. Infact she would never find out what we had just done. Poor, innocent Tia. I didn't feel an atom of guilt or remorse. How far was my moral compass escaping me?

My thoughts spiralled downwards after that. I stayed in bed and assessed the situation. As far as I was concerned Tia didn't care much about Adam. He was outrageously friendly and she didn't seem to mind. Maybe it was over-confident but I felt that she was uncaring to the point that Adam could possibly cheat on her - well he just did.

She had a full, busy life; from what I gathered. She was perfectly okay with Adam hanging out with me so often. How could she be okay with it? Did she not feel a seed of jealousy at the idea of him spending so much of time with me; a stranger she knew to be just a work colleague?

Maybe she didn't know much about me to percieve me as a threat. Maybe Adam didn't tell her about me at all. What would he say anyway? I wasn't a threat. Not directly because it wasn't Adam's heart that I was after.

I got out of bed and into the shower. A long, hot shower was what I needed to relieve the stress building up on my shoulders.

Frankly, I didn't give two fucks about Tia. He deserved better, not necessarily me, just better!

Maybe being the other girl was getting to me because I never resented Chad's girlfriend - or Kyle's fiancee. Yet somehow this was different because I didn't have any feelings for Adam. Maybe I resented Tia because she was a threat to me. Adam could at any moment decide to break off what we have to be with her completely.

When I continued to think about it, it made more sense. I was feeling this way about Tia because she could come between me and my toyboy. And I didn't want that. I was no longer the strong confident girl I had once been.

As I stepped out the shower I wondered, maybe I was actually jealous of Tia for having a part of Adam that I didn't.

☆☆☆

Since that first night together we had been sleeping with each other for a few weeks. Almost every day. Mostly at my place. We did it maybe twice at his house when we were alone. I was quite enjoying him as my toyboy. I had no idea there was so much of tension and sexual desire within me just waiting to be released.

Our sexual experiences seemed to  improve every single time. At first, it was a little annoying because I was simply satsifying his cravings. But then I actually started enjoying it, craving it, wanting it. I began getting lost in Adam's world and there was no way out.

Everyone at work picked up that something was going on with us probably because of the way we looked at each other and spent all of our time together. Quite a few colleagues came up to me to ask if we were dating.

"No. He is like a little brother to me," I would respond every single time trying my best to hold in my smile before it escaped and gave me away.

It was better to continue denying and let them wonder than to outwardly admit we were together. How could I explain that we were just fuck buddies despite Adam dating someone else? It would definitely give off a "ho impression" on my behalf while making Adam out as a cheater - although it wasn't far off from the truth. What was that saying again, the truth always hurts so it's best to tell lies.

I comforted myself with the idea that I didn't want our professional and personal relationship getting entangled in a mess that would catch the attention of management. Work was something I enjoyed, it kept my wandering mind busy and distracted me from my harsh reality. No matter what it would take I intended keeping it that way.