Never Be (A 5 Seconds Of Summer Fan-Fiction)

Chapter 26

TRIGGER WARNING (I HAVE IT MARKED WHERE THE MAJOR PART STARTS)

Riley's POV

You know the feeling when you wake up and feel like something is inexplicably wrong? That's how I felt when I woke up today. The moment I was conscious, I just felt wrong. At first I had no idea why I felt like this, but then I realised. I was alone. Ashton wasn't laying in bed with me, his arm lazily draped over my torso, me cuddling into his side.

I'm still in bed now, thinking about the choice I made yesterday, the fight with Ashton that I had. I regretted everything I said. It was my fault that he got angry. It's all my fault.

"Get up."

Oh no.

"I said get up. Now."

Immediately, I shot out of bed in fear.

"Go to the bathroom."

It was as if my feet were moving without hesitation and were not listening to my brains commands at all. I went into the bathroom and instantly my eyes landed on my reflection in the mirror.

"See? This is what you look like after you cry. Way uglier than normal, see? We don't want to look like this, now do we? You're happy, remember? Just put a smile on your face and you're happy, who cares if it's real or not? You have to be beautiful."

I turned on the water and leaned down, gathering water in my palms and bringing them up to my face, washing yesterday away.

"Riley?" I heard Ashtons' gentle voice, then a soft knock on the bathroom door. "Are you okay?"

Immediately I turned the water off and dried my face.

"Yeah." I called out, my voice sounding harsh due to my dry throat. "I'm fine."

"Can I come in?" His voice sounded careful, like he knew it was his fault. But it wasn't his fault. It was mine.

"Sure." I'm fine. I'm fine.

The door opened and a mess of curls appeared in my eyesight. He looked so broken.

He closed the door and for a while we just stood in the room together, awkwardly making eye contact every so often.

"He's being too nice, something isn't right."

I examined him closer, taking in every detail of his body. Slouched shoulders, cracked and pale lips, dull eyes, translucent skin and... bruised knuckles? "Is everything okay?" I asked.

"You're asking me?" His eyes bulged out of his head and his mouth formed an 'o' shape. "Riley, I hurt you! And you still give a shit about whether or not I'm okay?!"

"Y-yes?"

"This is my fault! I know you blame yourself, you always do, but this is my fault!" He came closer, both rage and sadness burning in his eyes.

"There." Her voice rung inside of my head like a bell. "Do you smell that? The scent of alcohol. The scent of distrust."

"Well what do you want me to do?" I asked, not sure whether I was questioning Ashton or the voice inside my head.

"Stop..." He pleaded.

"Push him away." Commanding and unpleasant, I had no choice but to obey the voice inside of my head.

"Ashton, I need you to leave." I blurted out, my voice sounding quiet, unsure and shaky.

"What? No, we need to-"