Never Be (A 5 Seconds Of Summer Fan-Fiction)

Chapter 23

Ashton's POV

"That was a mistake." I know exactly what she's thinking about. I know how she regrets trusting me. I know how she blames herself for the things that I did, how because of me she thinks that she is inadequate. "I'm so sorry." Even though apologizing won't make it better, I still say so.

"You can't change what's happened. Don't beat yourself up. I'm over it." She did that thing that she does when she's lying, her voice will break into a more quieter one, she'll shrink back, pretend she doesn't exist, her eyes will frantically search the room and fix on something in the distance later on.

"No you're not..." I hugged her even tighter. As my hand grazed over her stomach, she quickly pulled it in. "She thinks she's fat?" I thought. I grazed my hand over her stomach again, as if by accident. "There's nothing to pull in. I can feel each one of her ribs."

"Ashton, stop." She said and took a few deep breaths. "How do I know this isn't going to be like last time?"

"I guess you'll just have to trust me." I told her after a moment of silence.

"You know I can't do that." An expected answer, but still I had hope that he wouldn't say so. Hope is a funny thing like that, it makes you believe in things that won't ever happen. Hope makes you work for something, only to have it crushed in the end.

"Yes, you can." I told her, nuzzling my face into the crook of her neck.

"No, I can't."

"Try."

"To trust is to put your life in someone else's hands." She blurted out.

"My hands are clean."

"What if they get dirty in the midst of the process?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. What was stopping from my hands getting dirty? What if I hurt her again? Would I be able to live with myself? More importantly would she bear to be able to speak to me again?

Soon after her breathing went rhythmical and she was completely relaxed.

"She's sleeping." I thought. I looked over to the window, seeing that it was pitch black outside. "We must have been talking for hours." I wrapped my arm back around her. "I can actually feel each one of her ribs." Suddenly, a thought struck. We leave for tour in a few days. Will she be alright on tour? Will I be able to make her happy with our busy schedule?

"You won't ever know how much you mean to me." I whispered in her ear and minutes later fell into a deep slumber.

Riley's POV

"Oh, I'm so sorry" I said as I bumped into someone on the street. I stepped back, wiped my hands against my jeans and continued to walk.

"Riley?" The person took my elbow and gently spun me around. How did he know my name? My eyes fixed on his face, examining it.

"Get away from me." Realization struck. I started to back away, my body shaking.

"Riley." He said, gently grabbing my arm once again.

"Don't touch me!" I slapped his hand away and started to run back towards the motel.

"Riley, wait!" He called after me. Soon after, he caught up to me and pulled me back by my arm, making me stop. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to do those things."

"Then why did you?" I couldn't bare to look at him. I knew that if I did I would remember all the things that I am trying so hard to forget.

"Run bitch."

"Because I was scared of Bryan, damn that guy could have killed anyone with one punch."

"Don't touch me." I shook his arm off of me, rubbing the spot where he had gripped.

"You okay?" He said, noticing my actions.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Wanna grab some coffee or something?" From the corner of my eye I saw him look at me and offer me his hand. After a moment of hesitation I took it and we walked towards Starbucks. When we reached the shop, we sat down near a table at the far end of the shop. We started to make small talk, he asked me how I was, I did the same and such. "I really liked you in high school." He suddenly blurted out.

"What?"

"I liked you in high school." He repeated himself, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

"D-do you still do?" I whispered.

"Of course I do, look at yourself! All grown-up and hot." I saw his eyes take down my body, stopping at my chest for far more than necessary, and then back to my eyes.

"Ummm..." I stood up. "I've got to go now." I started to walk towards the exit, but heard him calling me, telling me to wait.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel awkward." He told me.

"I've got to go."

"Where you staying at? I'll walk you there." Before I could protest, he was already out the door and waiting for me. We walked together in silence, taking turns where needed to get back.

He went up the elevator with me, stopping at the front door.

"Thanks for walking with me."

"No problem, see you later." He said to me. After he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. He pulled back, winked at me, and walked away, leaving me in shock.

I stood there, in the hallway for a few seconds before finally stepping into the room that Ashton and I shared.

"Riley?" He immediately called. "Where did you go?"

"I went for a walk. I left you a note." I told him, suddenly feeling small.

"I woke up three hours ago, and you've just come back."

"Sorry..."

"I missed you." His eyes filled with joy and admiration as he looked at me and he came over and embraced me.

"I saw Tony today." I said to him after a pause.

"You what?" His tone filled with shock, anger and a bit of... jealousy?

"I saw Tony, you know, the guy who was friends with Brandon."

"Are you alright? Did he say anything to you?"

"I'm fine." Calming him down, I buried my head further in his chest, debating whether to tell him about what he had said to me. "He said that in high school he liked me, and still does." Immediately I felt his muscles tense under his skin, his arms tighten around me and his heartbeat pick up.

"What do you mean he still does?" The jealousy in his voice was more pronounced when he spoke this time, his eyes darkening ever so slightly.

"I don't know, that's what he said to me." Suddenly I felt smaller than usual, as if I shrunk like clothes in the wash.

"Did he do anything else?"

"He kissed me on the cheek." My voice broke into a whisper and shook as I spoke.

"He kissed you?" Anger filled his voice. He untangled himself from me and started to pace around the room, running his large hands through his messy, curly hair.

"Ashton." Trying my best to calm him down, I approached him slowly.

"If that prick can think he can mess around with you like that, he's-"

"Ashton, stop." I approached him and gently placed my hands on his chest. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and leaned into my touch.

"I'm sorry I just-"

"It's fine."

"I can't bear the thought of you being with someone else."

"I'm yours, only yours."

"Only mine."