Never Be (A 5 Seconds Of Summer Fan-Fiction)

Chapter 22

Riley's POV

"Take this once a day, two pills." The doctor said as he handed me a small orange jar filled with tiny, oval-shaped pills.

"Until when?" I asked. He just looked at me more sympathetically than coldly and walked away. Confusion washed over me as put the bottle up to eye-level. In the thin paper glued around the container I could see the word antidepressant.

Oh. Okay.

I gathered myself up and stood on my feet. I slowly slumped towards the exit of my hospital room, feeling finally relieved that I was leaving this place.

My eyes met Michael's as he walked over to me and embraced me tightly. After, he kept his an around my shoulder as the five of us walked out of this horrid building.

"Pills?" He asked me, whispering in my ear as he did so.

"I'd rather not talk about it." I awkwardly said, looking down at the tiled floor. "Could you pretend that I don't have them?" I asked, feeling like a child for doing so. He gently nodded in response, not pushing any further.

In a matter of time we were back at the motel.

"Oh my god." I thought. "I share a room with Ashton." Panic took over me, but it was already too late. I was in the room and Ashton had just entered.

It took me a second to figure out if it was actually him that was standing in front of me. His eyes were red and had huge, pronounced bags under them, his curls seemed to not lay effortlessly perfect on his head, he looked like he was about to collapse any second now. He lifted his gaze so that it would meet mine. Dead eyes.

I felt a slash of pain whip inside of me. "I did this." I thought. "If I hadn't tried to drown myself, he wouldn't have had to be like this." Our stares at each other were not broken for what seemed like hours. "How could I do this to him? How could I be so stupid?"

"Ashton?" My voice broke into a whisper. I saw something spark in his eyes, like a fire being ignited in the darkness of the hollow night. The flame in his eyes was growing by the second, until it seemed to take over his whole body. He ran over to me and wrapped his arms around me, one on my waist line and the other crossing over my back and resting on my shoulder. He buried his face in my neck, breathing in and out heavily. For a moment I forgot everything, just everything. It was only Ashton and I. Leaning in closer to his touch, I could feel his heart beat spiking.

"What is your biggest fear, Riley?" He mumbled into my skin.

"M-my biggest fear?" I asked out of amazement.

"Mmhm."

"My biggest fear is that one day you'll see me the same way I see myself."

"Want to know my biggest fear?" He said after a long pause.

"Umm... s-sure."

"My biggest fear is losing you." He pulled me even closer to his body, heating mine up. "I care about you so much. I would do anything to make sure that you're okay both physically and mentally."

I couldn't find a single word to say to him back. I had always wanted someone to be afraid of losing me, and I guess this is what it feels like. Kind of like a dead flower that's trying to be brought back to life, or like a child that really wants his broken toy fixed. It's kind of weird really how just one person can change your entire life.

"Luke." The name rung in my thoughts. I exhaled and fisted his t-shirt in-between my fingers. I tried so hard to get him out of my mind, to just forget Luke. "You love him. Deep down, you're so madly in love with him."

"You're thinking about him, aren't you?" He breathed into the crook of my neck, sending shivers up and down my spine each time he did so.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing for things that don't need to be apologized for." He breathed in once again before pulling away from me, sliding his hands down my arms. Frowning, he furrowed his eyebrows together. "You're really cold." He said. Taking my hand in his he walked over with me to the bed standing in the middle of the room. He looked at me with concern in his gaze, as if asking if I'm okay with this. Giving him a subtle smile, he took his shirt off, got under the blankets and spread his arms out, motioning for me to lay down near him. "Cuddle with me." He said with a pout. I slightly smiled again before laying down, my back facing him. He wrapped his arms around me once again and kissed my now exposed shoulder. "You're so beautiful." He mumbled.

I didn't say anything to this. My stomach kept feeling like I was being tickled, even though I was not. "I don't deserve you." I thought.

"Yes you do. It's I who doesn't deserve you." Ashton told me. Realizing that I had just said my thoughts out loud made the heat rush straight to my cheeks. "Don't you ever think that, okay?"

"Luke." The name rung in my thoughts once again.

"Don't go back to him. If he didn't know how to love you the first time, he won't know how to do it the second." He said, as if reading my mind, knowing exactly what I was thinking about.

"Are you talking about Luke or yourself?"

I pushed through the crowded room in search of Ashton. "I hate parties." I mumbled as a bunch of drunk teenagers danced to the bad house music. "Where is he?" Groaning in frustration I decided to go upstairs to get away from all these people. "Finally." Feeling a sense of relief wash over my tense body. "Why did I ever come to this party?"

I slumped down a nearby wall, sliding down the door to the wood floor.

"Did you finish it yet?" A guy from the other side of the door spoke. "Time is running out, you only have a few weeks left."

"It takes time to get these things done, be patient." Another guy spoke, but his voice was vaguely familiar. "I'll get it done." Was this... Ashton?

"Remember, you have to get her to fall in love with you by the end of this month." A loud sound of laughter erupted behind the door. "If not, it's two hundred bucks for each of us."

"I can already tell that Riley has fallen for me, she just has to say it now. I suggest you get your money ready." Ashton said with a laugh.

Realization hit me like a truck. This was all a lie? Everything he told me, was it just some stupid bet to him? I stood up just as the door opened revealing him. His eyes immediately expanded, like a balloon that was being filled with air. He opened his mouth to speak, but I couldn't bear what he had to say.

I darted out of the house. At this point everything seemed to be a blur. How could he?

"Riley! Riley, wait!"

"Leave me alone!" I screamed at him as he caught me by my wrist. "You lied to me!"

"I'm sorry!" He pleaded.

"Sorry you did it or sorry you got caught doing it?"

"I'm sorry..."

"An apology does not make it okay." For a second I looked into his eyes. He seemed genuinely broken, although it wasn't real. "How could you?" I questioned him.

"I just-"

"You what?"

"I needed the money." He looked down at his feet, as if he was ashamed, guilty of what he had done.

"So you decide to do this to me?" The anger seemed to dissolve inside of me, being replaced with only a longing feeling. "Well congratulations, you got your money. I'm in love with you." With that I turned around, leaving him standing there in his thoughts. How could I be so stupid? How could I think someone actually wanted to be in a relationship with me?

I kept on thinking about him. There are so many things I want to tell him, but they would hurt him. So instead I'll bury them inside and let them hurt me.