For the next 5 days, River wouldn't stop calling. At first, I told my family that I was feeling unwell any time that River would call, 3 days in they started to ask real questions, so in the end I had to tell them what was actually going on. My Mom instantly hugged me, and told me to go and run a bath, while she just popped out, by the time I was ready to get in she was back with several girly magazines, some chocolate and lots of my favourite drink, apple juice. Rain and the rest of the Phoenix's were pretty shocked too, “He never stopped going on about you from the moment he saw you, I just don't get it”, Rain said when she first heard the news, I didn't say much back, all I could muster was a shrug.
I had no plans on talking to River at the moment, I mean what else was there left to say......nothing. I admired him still in a sense, that he was honest about how he felt and nothing was done behind my back, well I hope it wasn't. It would be time to speak to him, when he was back from filming, as by then my mind will have sorted itself out and I wouldn't say anything I may later regret. It was nearly the end of January already, how fast this month has gone and so much had happened, I had the feeling that this was only the beginning of a chaotic year.
January 31st 1988. I woke up around 9.30am, and just lay in bed for a while reading and pottering about, before I headed downstairs for breakfast. My Mom and Amelie were sat at the table eating scramble eggs on toast. “Morning, A”, Mom smiled at me as I sat down opposite her and poured some apple juice into my glass. “I'll just finish this up and make you some”, she smiled again. I shook my head at her, “It's ok......I just fancy some cereal”, I smiled, as I started to pour some cereal into a bowl. “Me and Amelie were just talking, and we thought a shopping spree might be on the cards today, do you fancy it?”, Mom asked as I took my first mouth full. I nodded until I have swallowed, “Yeah, sounds great, I'll get a shower and things after this......won't be long”, I smiled as I took a second scoop. “There's no rush”, my mom smiled as she got up from the table and placed her dirty dishes in the sink, before coming back to the table. Myself, Mom and Amelie, sat at the table for a while just talking when there was a sudden knock on the door. “I best get that”, my Mom smiled as she got up, and me and Amelie carried on the conversation. A few moments later, the kitchen door opened up again, I looked up expecting to see my Mom, but instead there stood River with a smile on his face. I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he stood in the doorway, neither one of us said anything until Amelie got up and hugged River. “We'll leave you both to it”, my mom said after Amelie had finished, and they both left the room.
River moved from out the doorway, and took the sit opposite me, where my Mom had just been sat. We just stared at each other for a while, I didn't know what to say or where to even start with it all. “How you've been?”, River finally said, breaking the silence. I shrugged, “I've been ok, what about you?”, I asked him back, “I've been better”, he said softly as he looked down to his entwined hands. “How come you didn't take my calls?”, I shrugged as well at that question, “I didn't know what to say to you, you've already said everything, so.....”, I replied. “I never said I didn't want to be with you, Autumn”, he said with looking into my eyes once more. “Yeah, but …..this sounds selfish but...I can't share you River, it's not fair”, I replied not breaking the eye contact between us. Silence fell across us once more, “I want you, Autumn”, he spoke softly. “What about Martha?”. “I care for her I do, but it's you I want to be with”, he answered. “In all honesty, I don't think you truly know what you want, River”, I replied not breaking the contact between us. “I love you”, he pleaded into my eyes. “I mean....I think you should go and finish your film and when you come back, we can see where we are both at”, I half smiled back at him. He looked down at his hands again, “So you don't want to be with me anymore?”, he asked. “I do, I really do....more than anything, I just want you to know what you want, so you don't regret anything”, I smile at him. “Autumn, you're amazing”, he smiled back at me, before moving from his seat and coming to sit in the one beside me. “It will always be you”, he whispered as he held my face in his hands, “Only time will tell”, I whispered, as he pressed his lips to mine, for perhaps the last time.
