My Life With Justin Bieber

29- Mixed Emotions

"This is it, I know what I'm doing." I said while clicking upload to YouTube. I let out a breath and Josh picked me up and twirling me.

"C'mon, crazy. Let's get something to eat. We can see all the commotion we caused later, okay?" He said tossing me my comfty shoes. We left the house. I wonder what Justin will think of the video. He won't care anyway. He's happy and in love. Lucky him.

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♥Justin POV:♥

She still isn't talking to me. She hasn't said a word to anyone unless she's being sarcastic and speaking in Spanish. I don't get her. I've spent three fucking days apologizing. I slept on the floor beside the bed because she doesn't want me to be beside her. I bought flowers and sang songs, she won't budge. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings. But she twisted everything I said and took it the wrong way. This argument wasn't even half as bad as the one we had at the hotel. She's over reacting.

She's been on her phone a lot lately. Most of her conversations are in Spanish, but a couple in English. I know she has her Vogue photo shoot tomorrow. I can drive her there but she hasn't asked. She'll probably reject the offer anyway. What am I going to do? I wish I never said anything.

3 Days Earlier

I sat alone in Scooter's house. Ryan and Chaz pretty much ditched me because they had to go back to Canada. Chaz's brothers wife is having her baby. I'm too upset to actually congratulate her.Besides, I'm needed here. My mom went shopping. As for my pregnant girlfriend, she would rather walk alone than spend time with me.

The silence was beginning to eat my alive. I paced back and forth between the living room and the den with the grand piano. Why is she so different? I mean that's what I like about her, right? She's nothing like the girls I've dealt with. Nothing like my last relationship. But I don't want a relationship like the last. I was terrible, I cheated, lied and still expected her to stay. See, Selena was no angel either. She did the same things to me. We smiled for the cameras and lights but in the shadows it was nothing like people thought.

These negative memories kept fueling every thought that occupied my mind. What if I fell too hard? Anger coursed through my body and I punched a wall. One punch after another. I don't understand. I actually got Andrea pregnant. I barely knew her and I fell in love. Love. I actually am in love, giving Andrea all of me and she won't even spend time. She obviously doesn't want me around. She met my mom! She's having MY CHILD! What is with her...

After about an hour or so of punching walls, I sat in the corner across from the piano. I hung my head low. I can't imagine myself with out Andrea. It would be like losing a piece of me that I just found. But if I'm not what she wants, if this relationship isn't what she wants, then I will swallow my pride. She deserves everything she desires and if I don't fall in that category then fine.

NO!

What am I saying?!? That's my child. I need her. I'll do anything. Tears flowed rapidly with my thoughts being crazier than ever. I took a couple deep breaths to stop crying. I looked straight ahead at the piano. I walked towards it feeling vulnerable, but this is what I do. I make music. Music is how I get through life.

I tapped the keys. I made a couple arrangements up and down the scales feeling refugee in the calming sounds that the piano and I created. G scale to an A scale. I let all my feelings pour out on the black and white keys. My heart beat returned to normal. I felt bad for thinking that way about my relationship. It's only been a month. I began to play a Spanish lullaby that I learned in South America. A friend from Venezuela taught it to me. This reminds of Andrea. Even though I don't know the words, the melody is beautiful. Just like Andrea.