Open When...(Paul Walker Fanfiction)

Letter #15: Open When...Things Are Falling Apart

Of course, I'm still looking out for the smallest sign of depression. Paul seems to be getting back to his feet more each day, but that doesn't rule out the fact that he still can become depressed. That's one of the reasons I'm so terrified but I have to tell him. The longer I wait, the more damage it is going to cause.

I shrug and state the obvious. "Well, there is no school today, so where could she be going with Brian?" I watch as the look of realization crosses his face.

"Meadow is smarter than that. I mean, she's only fifteen years old. Brian seems like a good kid, not one to try to take advantage of her." The uncertainty in his voice is shining through, even in his actions. He picks up his phone to call Meadow, and I leave him to go check on Luke.

Once I open Luke's door, his crying seems to soften knowing that I'm around to take care of him. I know exactly what that cry means; it's time to change his diaper. I bring him over to his changing table and lay him down while I grab the diapers underneath on the shelves. That little smile and those bright blue eyes just like his father's makes it hard not to smile along with him. The smile is hard to keep on my face when I remember the news I have to tell Paul. Our little Jedi could grow up without his mother in his life, making it all too real that the Luke Skywalker on the big screen grew up without his mother, too.

Paul comes into Luke's room and sits down in the rocking chair with a heavy sigh. "Meadow said that Brian is taking her out to breakfast."

"Do you believe her?" I ask, discarding the old diaper in the trash can beside the table.

"Why would she be telling me a lie? She knows that she can talk to me about anything."

I finish putting Luke's new diaper on and turn toward Paul. "Baby, I hate to break it to you, but she's a hormone driven teenager. She's not exactly going to be telling you what all she's doing with her boyfriend that she likes very much. You and I both know that you're not the best person to talk to when it comes to boys."

He narrows his eyes at me. "What do you know?"

"I know nothing about this breakfast date. I'm just saying that she's not going to talk to her father about her boyfriend." Turning back around to pick Luke up, I can hear Paul get up out of the chair. "Where are you going? Aren't you meeting the guys for lunch?" I try to give our son to him since he enjoys his father's presence more, but Paul won't take him.

"Yeah, but I'm going to go follow Meadow and Brian." He steps out of the room and starts walking down the hallway.

What is he doing? I haven't even got to tell him about the abortion yet! "You can't do that, Paul! She will never trust you again if you follow them. She needs her privacy since she already doesn't get much being a movie star's daughter." Despite my argument to keep him here and stay with me, he shakes his head.

"We can talk later, okay? I promise. I'm sorry that I keep avoiding it but if you want to talk, we will." He kisses my cheek and pulls his keys out of his pocket. "I love you, baby. And I love you too, Luke." Paul kisses Luke's head and smiles when Luke grins at him.

Once the front door is closed again, my heart sinks at another missed opportunity to tell my husband everything. I make a vow to myself to tell him tonight, no matter what gets in the way of me telling him.

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Open When...

Things Are Falling Apart

To my darling wife,

I remember the nights a couple years ago after both of your parents passed away. Those were the nights that I would hold you tightly in my arms, as you would beg me to talk you away to a place where there is no pain. The only place that is possible is Heaven, and I don't want you to go unless we are going together. I remember as I held you in my arms, that I would pray to God to give me the strength to be able to help you.