Open When...(Paul Walker Fanfiction)

Letter #6: Open When...You Had A Good Day

A/N: Hey guys! This one is kind of a happy chapter, a little break from all of the sad ones! For the rest of the chapters I'm going to include a song, then write the lyrics with it that are most relevant to the chapter. I know I said in the last book that I was going to do this but I'm sticking to it this time haha. xoxo

Song: Like I'm Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor & John Legend {So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you / And I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye}

December 21st, 2013 (10 weeks, 5 days)

When the sun rises, bringing in a new day, it doesn't bring the normal feeling of joy and happiness that it usually does. Today marks three weeks that Paul has been in a coma. No matter how much time passes, I can't lose hope that he will wake up. The day I do will be the day I lose myself. However, it's hard to face a world where the sun doesn't shine as brightly and the ocean isn't as calming as it used to be. Without Paul, the world just isn't the same.

A couple of days ago, I decided that I was going to have an abortion. Although I wish that it didn't have to come to that, it has to. For my husband's and my kids' sake, it's better for them. This is the only way that I will get to grow old with Paul and watch our grandkids play like we always talked about. I'm doing my part to get there, I can only hope that Paul will do his part too.

Even though I'm getting an abortion, I scheduled it after New Year's. It is four days away from Christmas but this holiday season doesn't feel right without my husband. I want to be able to spend time with him during the holidays, instead of being down about getting an abortion. Cheryl called me yesterday and we talked about what the family would do for Christmas. None of us are in the holiday mood, but we all know Paul would still want us to have fun. Personally, I would rather lay in bed with him and watch Christmas movies on the TV in his room. Just being with him calms all of my emotional thoughts and keeps me from thinking about the bad things.

It has been a while since Paul and I have watched a sunrise together. Actually, I can't even place the last time we did. I frown at the thought. It's one of our favorite things to do together, but this year has been such a whirlwind and we just haven't had the time. That's definitely something we will start back once Paul wakes up. There's nothing like laying in our chairs and watching the sun rise, lighting everything it touches. I'll never forget how the soft amber light would shine on Paul as he looked at the sun coming up. His blue eyes would occasionally look down at me, then he would make a joke about how I look at him more than I do the sunrise.

My heart aches for those times when everything between us would flow so easily. That's not to say that life is easy, but we would weather the storms together and come out strong. How can we possibly make it through this if he doesn't come back to me? He's the other half of my soul, the one who I crave more than anything. I love how I feel when I'm around him. We build each other up and help each other if one of us falls. Right now, we are both falling but I don't have the strength to get both of us back up.

The door to the porch opens and Callie steps through, a blanket wrapped around her. "Good morning," she says, taking a seat next to me. "Did you get much sleep?"

I don't look at her when I answer. "Nope. The bed feels too cold and lonely without him. I'm supposed to be strong for the kids but I've already pushed one away. Aubree's starting to get anxious about him waking up. Of course, Luke is entirely too young to know what is going on, but Aubree is starting to realize something is wrong." I haven't tried to talk to Meadow in a couple of days, mostly because there hasn't been anything new to report. Paul's condition has been the same but I can't say whether that is a good or bad thing.

Callie nods, switching her gaze from me to the sunrise. "You know, maybe if you told Meadow that you are getting an abortion, she will come back. She just wants to know that someone is there for her and is on her side. She's afraid of losing two people she cares about, that's why she is so upset." Callie tightens the blanket around her as a cool breeze begins to blow.