Open When...(Paul Walker Fanfiction)

Letter #12: Open When...Things Seem Hopeless

In honor of Meadow's birthday this past Wednesday (November 4th), here's a picture of Paul and Meadow that you guys might not have seen.❤️

Song: Fix You by Coldplay {Lights will guide you home / And ignite your bones / And I will try to fix you}

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January 9th, 2014 (13 weeks, 3 days)

Once I put my car in park in Paul's parent's driveway, my phone begins to ring. Instead of the happiness that would usually follow seeing Paul's name on the screen, I'm hit with a feeling of guilt. I left him to wake up alone after he had a nightmare about the crash last night. Since Meadow stayed at a friend's house last night, I left the house early this morning so I could come talk to Cheryl. I'm beginning to get so worried about my husband that I just don't know what to do anymore.

I sit in the seat for a moment, staring at the screen and debating on whether I should answer it. I'm afraid that he will be upset with me for leaving him alone, but I needed to come talk to the woman who gave birth to him. She will know how to help the man that I love so dearly.

Before the screen goes to black, I answer the phone call. "Hello?"

"Baby? Where are you?" I can hear the slightest sense of panic in his voice, even though he's clearly trying to hide it. My heart squeezes in my chest and I instantly regret leaving his side. He's had another nightmare, I can tell.

My left hand grips the steering wheel as I try to hold myself together for him. "I'm at your parents' house. Are you okay?" It's a stupid question to ask when I already know the answer.

"No. I need you to come home." The desperation in his voice is hard to bear. The picture that comes to my mind as he's asking me this isn't a pleasant one. If it's anything like what happened a few hours ago, it can't be good.

I quickly run through different answers in my head. I came here to talk to his mother, and that's what I'm going to do. "Listen, I'll be home as soon as I can. I promise. Just check on the kids and I'll be home within the hour." Tears threaten to spill over but I manage to keep them at bay.

"Alright," he says, seeming a little calmer than he did a minute ago. "I love you so much."

Those words can always bring a smile to my face, no matter what the situation is. "I love you too, Paul. I'll be home soon." The phone call ends and I'm able to breathe better. When I step out of the car, I can feel the large cloud of guilt hanging over me. It's consuming my thoughts, and filling up every empty space inside of my body. By staying here and talking things through, I will be able to help him better. This will be a good thing, I hope.

I step up to the front door with my hand raised ready to knock, but Cheryl opens the door before I'm able to do so. She pulls me in for a tight hug, something that I really needed. "Come on in," she says, letting go of me and stepping aside. Once I'm across the threshold, she says, "I was surprised when you called and said that you needed to talk to me about Paul. Is everything okay?" The concern of a mother is something that I can easily identify with.

Before I say anything, I motion to sit down in the living room. Cheryl takes the spot right next to me on the couch and patiently waits for me to begin. "Well, Paul has been having these nightmares about the crash. From what I gather, the same thing seems to happen every time, and it's exactly what he experienced when the real thing happened. But, the thing is, he can't get away from it. It's the nightmare that tugs at his consciousness even though he's awake. Now, he's saying that he wants to go to the crash site and see it, but I'm afraid it will send him further into his depression. I feel so helpless when he wakes up screaming during the night about how he can feel the fire. All I can do is hold him and bring him back to reality, but I feel like I should be doing so much more. I just don't know what to do and I feel like I'm failing him. He's helped me through my dark times but I can't seem to help him." At the end of my little speech, the tears are finally free. The last thing I want is for Paul to be hurting, and it's even worse that I don't know how to help him.