Life with(out) him

Chapter 6

Mira

'Hi Mira, sorry to disappoint you but it's not Radha. It's me!' Well you guessed it right. I was shocked and speechless. In a happy way though. I realised then that this was a theory I had heard somewhere - You hope so hard on something to happen and just when you decide and accept the fact that it isn't going to, it does. And then you're left speechless. This was one such scenario. I really didn't know how to react. I guess I even forgot that the call was still on until I heard him again, 'Hello? You there?'
'Uh-huh!' and yes I managed that somehow. I'm sure he was confused on the other side, not knowing how to respond to such an 'incredible' reaction, because I could hear it in his muffled laughter, and I guess he decided not to hide his thoughts as well, 'I was expecting the use of some words and not just syllables. I mean I'm not speaking to a kid anymore right?' Wait. Anymore? Where did that come from?
'Anymore? I do not think I acted as a kid at the bar. No wait, I know I did not act like a kid out there.' I didn't realise I was starting to read more into the conversation but I think there was a moment's silence as if he had finally realised the repercussion of what he'd just said. 'I'm sorry, I had no intention of offending you, Mira. In fact I had an amazing conversation with the most amazing woman in the bar.' Okay, I forgive him. And yes, I do accept I blushed at that. Just a little. And then I realised I needed to ask him this. 'I wanted to ask you something?'
'Anything Mira.'
'Yes, just that. You can call me by a nice sounding word, my name. But I still do not know yours. I mean you do not expect me to call you the wall right? It'll sound weird on all levels. Like you're walking down a street and I see you and I yell in the crowd, 'hey wall!' see what I mean? Weird!'

We both had a hearty laugh at that. The wall. And just like that my curiosity to know his name grew even more. What was his name? And before I could indulge into various names that could match his persona I heard him say, 'You do know my name.' I had a frown on my forehead thinking back on the drunk evening that I had, but no I clearly remember him just stating his name as the wall. 'No I don't.'
'Yes you do Mira. You must've forgotten. Anyway my name is Vikram.' I must've been quiet for a very long time after that. Maybe an aeon I don't know. This was big. Was he my Vikram? Was he back? Vikram what? 'Mira? You're doing it again? Are you there?' But this was an even bigger shock than him calling me and this time I couldn't' even manage a syllable out of my mouth. 'Mira?' Finally after decades of silence I managed to whisper out that name, the name that had been etched on my heart since ages, 'Vikram.' He must've been confused right? Anyone would've been. I mean the way I was reacting to this. This was just a coincidence, he definitely wasn't my Vikram, and I tried telling my heart about it time and again in vain. 'Hey Mira, can we meet tomorrow maybe? I'm so about to crash right now. And somehow you're syllables are kind of instigating it.' I knew he was just trying to lighten up the mood but how would he ever understand what Vikram, even the name did to me!
'I'm sorry, actually I feel a bit lost right now somehow. Yes sure, we can meet tomorrow!' and before he could even reply I bid him good night and cut the call. Rather abruptly I realised. But I had already ended it and there was nothing I could do about it now anyway so I just texted him saying I was just sorry about the call and also about ending it abruptly. And to my surprise I got back a reply almost immediately that said: No worries. Sleep well.

The irony of him saying those two words is something probably he'd never realise, sleep well, especially after hearing that name!? I had a horrific night as I had already expected, twisting and turning throughout, until I practically gave up the idea of even trying to sleep. It was early dawn when I decided to move out and visit 'the place' - our place. The place I hadn't set foot for about ten years. It was a place where I would happily go on morning walks with my best friend. It was a place where you'd find me when something was wrong in my life - If Sanaya got the better of me, if the teacher wasn't happy with my work, basically problems of a ten year old. Actually not everyone only Vikram would be able to find me, since only he knew the place. And so this place instantly became a secret hideout for us. A place where I could hide and he'd find me, console me and I'd be back home happy as ever. And today somehow I had this hope in my heart that if that guy was indeed my Vikram he would find me here. Definitely. And if not I'd have to find my way back alone as I did countless times after Vikram had left. At the time I never believed that he could leave me without even a goodbye, and I never accepted the fact that he was gone. So I would trod along up high in the hills and prop myself down in the shade of the huge tree which was a witness to all our fights, the consoling sessions, happy banters. And when the time came for me to accept that he really was gone it became a witness to my sadness and tears. And today, as I reminisce these thoughts while climbing up the hill I hoped to find that happiness back.

I could see the time passing by slowly as the sun finally came up and casted it first rays upon me. I could see these rays slowly starting to heat up as the sun rose further up in the sky. I think it was probably around this time that I decided to accept defeat once again, concluding it to be nothing more than just a coincidence when I heard someone shout my name. I was wrong indeed. He was my Vikram, who had suddenly lost interest in invisibility and had given up his disappearing act. And I was wrong once again to think that I'd be happy to see him. Happy probably I was, but right now it was definitely covered with anger. Anger that was bottled up inside for so many years. It all seemed to want to come out suddenly. 'So you did find your way! I thought you'd get lost unable to find your way back.' If he was surprised at my outburst he hid it very well. 'I knew it wouldn't take long for you to figure it out.' I couldn't help myself but retort back quite sarcastically at that. 'Somehow I wish I wasn't that smart enough.'
I could see him trying to close the distance between us, his face showing clear signs of love and concern, but my mind was beyond its point to even register this.
'Stop where you are! Don't even think of coming any closer.'
'Mira, please hear me out at least!'
'What for? Hear you out I should have, fifteen years ago. Not today. It was then that I was expecting some words from you, but you had vanished into thin air without even a single goodbye!'
He covered his face with his hands, accepting defeat or so it seemed.
'It's ok Vikram, I don't want to hear anything. And if you're back in town for me or us, I think I should tell you beforehand to forget about it.' I walked off in stride paying no heed to his frantic calls of my name. But I had to get this out before finding my way home, 'Vikram, I'm glad to see you alive though. And even though you may not have given any thought to what could've possibly gone through my mind as a ten year old kid back then, seeing you alive is a relief.' With that, I walked back home somehow shielding the thoughts of happiness with rage and anger.