Life with(out) him

Chapter 4

Vikram

She definitely had blossomed into a beautiful woman. I couldn't believe my luck that led me inside this bar, into meeting her today. It had been a few weeks to my holidays and to be fair I had thought about meeting her every day, but somehow the thought never materialised. How was I to face her? How was I to convince her that I wasn't being a jerk and that I was just an ordinary young boy who wanted to prove to everyone around especially his father that he was strong and could protect the family? How was he to face that fragile girl who believed that there was no evil in life? How could he even tell her that his father whom everyone in the vicinity respected was having an extra marital affair with someone and that finally the day had dawned when he no longer wanted this family of his? No. I knew I still couldn't face her. I knew she would never recognise me how I had recognised her. She just couldn't. She was just ten years old back then while I was fourteen. I smiled to myself thanking god inwardly for this moment where I could see her without her knowing about it.

Let's rewind a few minutes back to know precisely how I managed to land up here right in front of her. And for this I'd definitely thank my stupid men Anuj and Shravan. 'Hey it's good to back home man!' I looked at Anuj, Major Anuj Sharma who was a wonderful companion I had. One who respected my silence and never prodded me with unnecessary questions. I was glad for that. 'Home plus when you add some drinks and music to it. It gives us bliss!' 'Spot on!' The other companion of ours on the table was Shravan, Lieutenant Shravan Shergill was just like Anuj and it was beyond doubt that we turned out to be friends for life. Life at the border was simpler to understand. There was no racism, casteism, we were all sons of our beloved nation. How I wished back here in the city people would understand this simple thing.
'Shekhawat, you still have a dare left on you. Are you game for it today?'
'Not that shit again! Guys we've outgrown college days, please behave like grownups!' Shergill shaked his head laughing at me, 'Dude! That is lame, you cannot do it and we know that. Just accept it!' Just then I saw Mira walking down towards the bar counter and somehow I couldn't let go of this chance. It was Mira, right? I wasn't sure at first. But the face definitely seemed familiar. It had changed. And if it was her, I had to talk to her somehow. I just wanted to know that she was fine. Lame probably but that girl there was my soulmate, I knew it in my heart. The one that I had left behind. 'Okay. I accept. Beers on me if I don't get her number and you two decide who gives me free booze if I do!'
'Cool! We'll divide the cost of your booze, till then try to loosen your wallet for the notes to pop out!' Funny, they didn't know who Mira was and how she'd melt every time I even stood in front of her. Of course that was like ten years ago. But I hoped it would still be the same today.

And so, that's how victoriously I managed to get her number without telling her who I really was. I walked in stride smiling mischievously on my way back to our booth. 'Here you go suckers! Beers for me!' I couldn't help notice she'd actually penned down her own name, but could that be her real number as well? I couldn't take a chance of putting it down for those idiots to try it. Especially not if it was my girl we were talking about here. Sharma, I knew was going steady with Natasha and would probably get married by the next year. The three of us were quite close to each other since our academy days, Natasha was like my younger sister and was definitely well suited for our boy. Shravan on the other hand was much like the jerk Mira had subtly pointed out to earlier during our conversation. Mira. Why did my brain have to go back there and create a havoc in my heart? She had turned out to be nothing like I had expected. She wasn't the fragile girl I'd left behind anymore. She seemed more... what would be the right word here?.. Hurt.. Mixed with a combination of sad and a bunch of unanswered questions?! Had I read it right? I hoped not. That was the most deadly combination and could lead to tremendous break downs in life. And I definitely hadn't hoped that to happen. Not to her. She was ten years old when I left her, what impact could my leaving would've caused her? A clean break from her life was necessary, her tears would've definitely stopped me from going anywhere.

I tried to steal a glance at her booth and sure enough I found her eyes lingering on me as if searching for something. Had she found out it was me? I gave her a smile before turning my attention back to the guys.
'Earth calling Vikram!'
'Stop shouting I can hear you!'
'Thank god! I'm glad you don't zone out on the border, the sound of something firing could be much worse than us shouting you know!'
How crazy were these idiots! And how stupid was I to hang out with them? Who am I kidding, I loved them beyond my life. I shook my head smiling at that thought. 'Anyway let's call it a night. I need to be back home for dinner with Ma'. After the horrific scene in my childhood my mother had always been the centre of my entire world. I remember the day I'd told her about my decision of joining the army. The day I'd found a way to stick it to my father, to become a son of the nation instead of trying to be his son. My mother had accepted the decision with open arms, though I knew it must've been hard on her. Losing her husband and then living without me in the house for long durations. But she never showed, and somehow that made me want to make her even more proud of me. We shifted our home as soon as I got admitted in the National Defence Academy where I met Anuj Sharma for the first time. We hit it off immediately. And have been together ever since.

'Ma, I'm home.' I don't know how this strong hearted lady always managed to hold back tears whenever she saw me. I couldn't manage to do it being a guy. I would always end up hugging her to hide them behind her back. A thing I picked up quite recently. 'Where are Anuj and Shravan?'
'They'll be coming here tomorrow or so to meet you. Shravan would probably head back home. And Anuj too. You know Anuj shifted back here right?' her questioning look gave away quite easily. 'Well, Natasha stays here right and it makes sense to stay where she'd be more comfortable and at ease, with Anuj gone most of the times. Plus his best bud in the vicinity made it easier for him to come to an answer.' I finished with a wink. She smiled at me and we continued our dinner in amicable silence. I could hear a muffled voice of my mother from behind when I was doing the dishes and cleaning up after dinner. 'Can't hear you Ma, give me a minute and I'll be out.' That seemed to silence her for the moment. 'You needed something Ma? I was doing the dishes and I couldn't hear a word you said with all that noise'.
'Nothing really. Just a thought that's been eating my mind for a few days. It's been almost a week, have you met Mira yet?' I sat down with a sigh. That was a long explanation. And that was something I couldn't avoid. I would never hide or lie to her. That woman sitting in front of me had suffered a lot already. 'I was thinking about it but couldn't really make up my mind. What would I say to her? There is no explanation whatsoever for my behaviour that would make her want to understand why I did what I did.'
'You were her whole life back then. And if I could understand your decision to join the army. She would too. She'll probably take more time to accept it maybe. But I'm sure she will. But at least try to tell her.' She got up and left me with a burden of unanswered questions. But as if on an afterthought she came back and kissed me on my cheek, 'I almost forgot. Goodnight my boy. Sleep well.' I smiled at Ma, sleep was like the last thing to come to me now.

Note: This one's for my friend who's given amazing back to back updates of her story 'The Balcony' :P Keep voting / commenting.