It's Complicated

two-move

I wiped the areas that need to be wiped so I could just leave the hotel and take a shower when I got home. I pulled my frizzy, sweated out hair in a high bun and wiped my eyes from the dark circles that appeared from my mascara and eyeliner running.

Exiting the bathroom I put my UGGs back on and grabbed my purse. I took another look at the bed of sin and shook my head.

Why do I always feel so guilty?

~~~~~~~~

It had too of been at least two hours sense I met up with Josh. I was sitting on the stoop to my boyfriends house, because he took my key back once he found out I cheated on him while we were on a brake. Just as I was about to check a text, he pulled up in the drive way. It was a freezing November day and I can't believe he really locked the door, knowing I didn't have a key. Dick.

"Like the fuck Chance? Why would you lock the door?" He looked at me with no emotion in his eyes and unlocked the door.

"If you were here at 3 like you said you would be you could of got in. I told you I had some shit to handle."

Chance was a nice guy, well at first, before he turned into one of the most well respected drug traffickers in Massachusetts. We got together when we were 17 we've been on and off for four years. Are relationship was good until he started spending less time with me. And more time in the streets. He was my first love I gave him my all. I begged him to spend time with me, but he just brushed it off. That not caring attitude and finding out he had side girls pushed me to take a brake.

He bugged and called me a worthless slut, that I was lucky to have him claim me because of my 'supposed' reputation. His exact words were 'You worthless slut, I'm the only nigga man enough to claim yo hoe ass.' After that I took my ass out and partied, he didn't hear from for a while and came crawling back.

I stayed with him though cause he's right. No one else would wife me they just wanted a quick fuck. They believed all the roomers that were going around.

"You know what..it's fine I'm going to take a shower" I bushed passed him and he sniffed the air.

"Hang on come here" I turned to face him in annoyance "What" "Come here." I walk to him and he moved the jacket collor to exposed my neck and smelled it. Fuck.

" Really" "what?" I asked playing dumb.

"Don't play fuckin' stupid why do I smell a niggas cologne?" Busted. The next few seconds were a blur, I was now pined against the wall with his hands around my throat, like meny nights before.

"Pl..please stop" his grip tightened as I begged. "You think I'ma fuckin' idiot don't you, I guess we both wrong cuase I was out fuckin too."

He laughed and shook his head. Letting go of my neck, leaving me gasping on the floor. He calmly went to the kitchen and poured himself some henny" Your not worth going to jail for. Get your shit...and get out."

I crawled over to him and begged on my knees I got use to the life he was providing and honestly I didn't want that to change.

" No baby no, it won't happen again okay okay?" I said thru tires I'm sick of crying I've cried to much today.

" Get your shit before I just kick you out with outit I wiped my tears a abruptly stood shocking him, something in me just snaped.

"I don't need yo sorry ass. You know I treated you better then any of your side bitches. I've done nothing but love you after all you've done to me. I do the same to you and you can't take it fuck you And for the record you can't always believe what you hear".

With that being said I headed twords our room and started packing my stuff in three large suitcases. I was really drowning on the inside. I gave this man four good... I can't even say that. Four years of my life while he cheated on me and emotionally and physical tore me down. Worst part is those roomers were from guys that couldn't get none and girls that were jealous of me.

I took a glance around the room to make sure I had everything. With a sigh I rolled each suitcase one by one to and down the front steps. I went back in and looked at Chance about to say something when he cut me off. "Oh lose my number too... Hoe". With that I nodded and and slammed his door.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"You deserve better then that we all told you. I'm your main nigga and you still didn't believe me".

Miles kept going on and on with his lecture as we drove to his place.

"Oh but your the match maker that said 'oh I should date him he seems like a chill guy'".

He nodded and added " You right but I told you to leave his ass once he started sellin. You just hard headed punk" " Mmhm" was my respond and I looked out the window.

"So when you plan on getting that car of yours fixed I ain't no cab" I was trying to save up to get it fixed. I was calling him and Josh for rides back to back sense Chance wasn't any help.

I turned to him and smiled " But your my bud and buds help each other out so that's all that counts" I said cheesing back and patted his shoulder.

We finally got to his house and drug my bags inside. "Shh ma's sleep" "Boy when are you gana move out"? I playfully asked while we took my stuff to the guest room.

"Girl stop playin my mama lives with me not the other way around. You know I ain't want her in no home". Shaking my head I plopped down in the bean bag chair in the courrner.

"Em how did my life get so far off track I let this fool talk me out of going to college ughh shit you do for love" I ground getting up and digging for night clothes.

"I don't know but that niggas the past you got ya whole life ahead. You know I got ya back" he came and hugged me from behind pressing into me.

"Miles come on wev been through this" I said stepping out of his embrace and he put his hands up in surrender and kissed my cheek, and left out the room.

I really had to think of my next move. My catering job was paying okay but I needed better then okay to live the life I wanted to live. I deserve better like he said and damn right I'm going to get it. Even if some people have to get hurt in the processes. They don't give a fuck if a women loves them with there all, it's just another notch in the belt.

Thank you for reading! Please tell me what you think and vote. Sorry for spelling errors.