Open When...(Paul Walker Fanfiction)

Letter #14: Open When...You're Scared

"Callie's not my husband, you are. I think you're missing my point." I pull away from him to turn the shower off and step out. If he's not going to be there because he wants to go talk about movies, then he can do just that. It would be silly for me to say that I don't need him because I do, but I'm going to have to do this on my own apparently.

Paul pushes the curtain back completely as I grab the towel I laid on the sink earlier. He watches me as I wrap the towel around my body, letting my right hand linger on my lower belly. For a second, I think I see pain well up in his eyes. Just as quickly as I see it, however, it's gone. "Will you please listen to me? This isn't my choice to go to the meeting. I'm obligated to be there because of my contract."

"Oh, so you're saying even though you're married you're not obligated to be at the abortion? I'd think that our vows is stronger than a contract but I guess not." I can see his mouth drop in my peripheral vision, but I just grab another towel out of the bathroom closet and throw it at him before going into the bedroom.

"Come on, don't be starting something." He wraps the towel around his waist and follows me into the bedroom. "We shouldn't be fighting at a time like this."

I grab ahold of one of the bedposts, using it to support myself. He is right about not fighting. Fighting will only lead to bad things. We need to be there for each other. I feel his hands on my waist trying to turn me around. "Don't do that. If I look into your eyes I'm just going to fall back into your arms like everything is okay when it's not." For good measure, I close my eyes.

He kisses the top of my shoulder, and I'm finding it hard to stay mad at him. "What are you so worried about, love? The possibility of a complication happening is very low. You'll just go in there, get it over with, then everything will be done. We can spend the rest of our lives together and grow old together like we always talked about."

My heart flutters inside of my chest. "I love it when you say stuff like that to me." Despite my hardest attempts, a faint smile reaches my lips.

"Do I see a smile there?" he asks me. I open my eyes again to see him looking at me with a goofy smile. "I thought so. Now give me a hug before we have to go our separate ways today."

I anxiously step into his arms. As I'm holding my world close to me, I silently wonder how he can be so confident about the outcome of today. There are no guarantees that everything will go as smoothly as he says it will. With any type of medical procedure, there is always a risk of complications. I can only hope and believe in what he says, because it's all I have to hold onto.

--

Callie and I get out of the car as soon as she puts it in park. We are a couple of minutes late for my appointment due to traffic, so I hope that they haven't rescheduled me yet again. Another rescheduling might send Paul over the edge, and I really wouldn't blame him. The longer I carry these babies inside of me, the higher of a risk to my life it is.

Even though we are late, I'm finding it hard to put one foot in front of the other to advance into the hospital. Ironically enough, it's the same hospital that my husband survived in, but my babies won't make it back outside. My feet are almost glued to the ground, and Callie is the one who has to help me forward. Walking through the same halls as I did a couple of weeks ago reminds me of what I almost lost. Today, I will lose something. As a mother, I'm not sure I can handle it since Paul is not here. I need him here by my side.

My best friend sits me down in a chair outside of the room while she goes and talks to a woman at the desk. At one point, they both look at me with looks of pity, but I pretend not to notice. As much as I hate that this is happening, it's completely out of my control. The two women exchange a couple more words before Callie sits next to me.